Guilty Hearts Read online

  “Has she settled in okay?”

  “She seems oblivious to the place, to be honest.” Rachel let out a heavy sigh. “It’s me who’s got the problem with it.”

  “Why, what’s wrong with it?”

  “What’s right with it, you mean? Well, the staff are great — in fact they are bloody fantastic. It’s just the building itself ... it’s so depressing and run down.” Rachel could only bring herself to visit her mother once a month — it took her another month just to gather the strength to go back there again. The feelings of guilt always tore at her heart when she saw her mother sitting in the drab colourless room staring out of a window that overlooked a concrete block of flats.

  “Can’t you get her moved somewhere else?”

  “If only it were that easy. Believe it or not, I was actually lucky to get her placed where she is. Anyway, enough of my depressing problems,” Rachel said, changing the subject. “Where’re we heading?”

  “We’re nearly there,” Kathryn said, as she turned into the road adjacent to Harrods.

  Rachel whistled as Kathryn stopped outside a sizable, period white-fronted house.

  “Jesus, your client must have money to be living only minutes away from Harrods.”

  “Yes, she does.” Kathryn smiled, turning off the engine and reaching to the back seat to get her bag.

  Rachel followed Kathryn up to the house. The door was opened by a man with a full head of thick grey hair, wearing tan khaki trousers and a T-shirt with the wording I’ve got one foot in the grave.

  “Kathryn, darling,” he said, planting two kisses on each of her cheeks.

  “Hello, Theo, may I introduce Rachel, she’s the journalist from Women’s Lifestyle Magazine I told Ellie I was bringing along.”

  “Rachel, lovely to meet you,” he said, stretching out his hand. “I don’t understand why you young ladies are not walking the catwalks in Milan. What a waste, total waste. Your beauty should be shared with the world.” He spoke with perfect pronunciation. He led them down a long spacious hall, into a large living room furnished in impeccable good taste with antiques and paintings that looked like they belonged in an art museum.

  This place has Kathryn’s signature touch.

  “Oh, do stop rambling, Theo,” a well-groomed woman in her seventies dressed in tweeds, called out as she came into view from the kitchen.

  Rachel couldn’t believe it. Kathryn’s client turned out to be Ellie Thorne — a well-known actress, who was enjoying a recent boost to her success with a new crime series, similar to that of Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple.

  “Well, it’s true,” Theo continued. “Look at them both, blonde and brunette; this is more than a man can take at my age.”

  “Go and read your paper, you silly old bugger,” Ellie berated him as she took Kathryn by the hands. “Kathryn, my sweet angel, I cannot thank you enough for making this job a priority for me.”

  “Hello, Ellie,” Kathryn said, squeezing her hands gently, “this is Rachel.”

  “Hello, dear.”

  “It’s such an honour to meet you ...” Rachel stuttered, not knowing how to address her.

  “Ellie.”

  “Ellie, as a kid I absolutely loved you in Crime at Night,” Rachel said, still stunned by the fact that the woman she had grown up watching on TV was standing in front of her.

  “Thank you, dear, you’re making me feel quite old.”

  “No way, you look amazing.”

  “Thank you, flattery will get you everywhere,” Ellie said, before turning back to Kathryn. “Now come, dear, let us discuss what needs to be done. Time is of the essence, you know. I have merely six weeks to get this room prepared before my darlings come home,” she said with an air of drama, as she led them into another room. “Do you promise me that it will be done?”

  “Yes, Ellie,” Kathryn replied as if talking to a child. “Have I ever let you down before?”

  “No, dear, never. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”

  “So I never make a promise I can’t keep.”

  Ellie smiled as she cupped her arthritis-ridden hand over Kathryn’s cheek. “Thank you, darling.”

  Rachel felt an irrational stab of jealously at the way the old woman touched Kathryn. She shook her head in self disgust.

  “I want them to be so happy here,” Ellie continued. “I want them to feel straight at home the moment they arrive. So make it special for them, Kathryn. I would only trust you to create a home for my babies.”

  Rachel was confused. Who is the old woman talking about? Whose babies is she referring to? She would have to wait until they got back to the car before she could ask Kathryn.

  “I will, I promise. I have the plans here,” Kathryn said as she removed several papers from her bag and handed them to Ellie. Pointing at one particular sheet, she continued, “As you can see, I have also included a 3D design so you can see exactly what it will look like. It has everything we discussed.”

  “Oh, Kathryn. It’s wonderful, wonderful. You are a genius.” Ellie beamed, as she put the papers down on a table and clasped her bony hands together. “You must both come to their welcome home party,” she insisted, as she happily walked them to the front door.

  ***

  Once seated back in the car, Rachel’s mind was still on the mystery of who the room was being prepared for. She waited patiently while Kathryn settled into the driver’s seat and started the engine. “Is Ellie getting the room ready for her grandchildren?”

  “Nope,” Kathryn answered, pulling the seatbelt across her chest.

  “Please don’t keep me in suspense. Who is the room for then?”

  “A pair of Bengalese kittens.”

  “What!” Rachel shook her head. Are these people crazy?

  “Kittens, very beautiful ones at that.”

  She scrutinised Kathryn’s face with disbelief. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “I’m not, I swear,” Kathryn said, laughing.

  “You’re telling me that room in there,” Rachel said, shifting in her seat to face Kathryn, “the one that’s bigger than my flat, is going to be used to house two cats?”

  Tears of laughter formed in Kathryn’s eyes. “Yes, Rachel. I am designing a very exclusive luxury penthouse-type pad for two kittens.” She giggled.

  “This is too much. I mean, get them a little scratching post by all means, but a whole room!” Rachel blew out her lips, making a hissing sound.

  “It’s not going to be just any old room — it’s going to be an adventure playground for them.”

  “I just can’t believe it — can I be nosey and ask how much she is paying for this cat house?”

  “Thirty grand.”

  Rachel put her head in her hands. “Oh my God. My flat mate is not going to believe it when I tell her about this. In her line of work Zoe’s convinced she’s heard it all.”

  As Kathryn laid her hand briefly on her shoulder, Rachel experienced a feeling of excitement mixed with exhilaration and fear — Kathryn’s touch made her feel as though she were looking down from a high cliff.

  “What line of work is she in?”

  “She’s a therapist.” Rachel shook her head. “I just can’t believe anyone would pay that much to house cats.”

  “Don’t worry. If it makes you feel any better, once the expenses have been paid for, the remaining money is going to a cat charity.”

  “Oh, well that makes me feel a lot better,” Rachel replied, still feeling the heat emanating from where Kathryn’s hand had been.

  “Would you like to come back to the office for a coffee?”

  “Sure, I think I’m going to need something to help get over the shock,” Rachel said as Kathryn manoeuvred the car around the one in front and headed back to the King’s road.

  Twenty minutes later, Kathryn led Rachel straight to her office, a spacious room with floor-to-ceiling windows along the length of one wall. The pastel colours used in the room had a soothing affect on Rachel as soon as she ent
ered. She noticed a large whiteboard covered with design ideas. Walking over to it, she peered at a picture of Bengalese cats pinned in the centre, with an assortment of cat products surrounding it.

  “That looks enormous,” Rachel said, pointing at a photo of what looked like a scratching post with platforms.

  “That,” Kathryn replied as she walked to stand beside her, “is a cat tree house and it’s ten feet tall.”

  “Are you kidding me? Where on earth do they sell them that size?”

  “It’s being custom made in Denmark.”

  “I see,” Rachel said, peering at it more closely before turning back to look at Kathryn. “So can I have a look at the designs? I didn’t manage to get a good look when you gave them to Ellie.”

  “Yes, of course.” Kathryn went over to her glass desk, signalling Rachel to join her. Sitting down, she clicked the mouse with her perfectly manicured fingers. Opening up a file on her computer, she motioned to Rachel to take a closer look.

  “Ellie wants the cats to have full access to the rest of the house from their play room.”

  “Obviously,” Rachel said sweetly, enjoying the closeness of the moment as Kathryn ran her through the design.

  Kathryn smiled. “So as you can see here,” she said, pointing to the screen, “there’ll be cat steps that will lead up to open air cat walks. Rob will be making nooks throughout the house for cat hideouts, as well as an enclosed deck area and special fences to prevent the cats escaping. There’ll be cat flaps in every door, and lastly they will have their very own bathroom.”

  “Well, that goes without saying.”

  “The walls will be white, the floor tiled with under-floor heating for the little ones during the winter and air conditioning for the summer.” Kathryn finished by closing the file.

  “Will they be having their own butler and cook as well?” Rachel asked, trying to keep a straight face.

  “I think Ellie will draw the line at that.” Kathryn laughed.

  Kathryn looked so sexy when she laughed that Rachel couldn’t help but feel stirrings of desire. Pushing her thoughts aside she straightened up. “Seriously though, your design looks fantastic,” Rachel said genuinely. “If I come back after I’ve died, I want to be a cat, but not just any cat — Ellie’s cat.”

  “Me too.”

  “I find that hard to believe. Is there anything else you want in your life that you don’t already have?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like?” Rachel inquired.

  The beginning of a smile tipped the corner of Kathryn’s mouth. A look of mischief in her eyes. “Is that a personal or professional question?”

  Is it my imagination or is Kathryn flirting with me? Rachel badly wanted to say personal, to find out what was lacking in Kathryn’s life, but she thought better of it. “Professional.”

  “Oh, lots: more staff to handle the crazy demands of clients, more time to complete jobs, more time off —”

  There was a gentle tap at the door and Carol walked in, carrying two cups of coffee. Both women thanked her as she laid them on the desk and left the room. An easy companionable silence ensued as they drank.

  “So,” Kathryn said, putting her cup down, “do you get invaluable advice from your flat mate?”

  “Hmm, mostly unwanted advice.”

  “Oh why’s that?”

  “Because she thinks I should settle down with a nice woman.”

  Kathryn looked at her, visibly shocked.

  “Yes, I’m gay,” Rachel said to the questioning look in Kathryn’s eyes.

  When Kathryn spoke, her voice wavered slightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything ... it’s just that —” She stirred uneasily in her chair.

  “It’s okay, I get it all the time. People still have preconceived ideas about what a lesbian looks like. Maybe if I cut my hair?”

  Kathryn seemed hesitant, choosing her words carefully. “I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as stereotyping. It’s just you said you had been stood up ... and I met you in a straight bar.”

  “We do get about, you know, we don’t only meet in seedy bars down back alleys,” Rachel said with mock seriousness. “Most of the lesbians I know frequent straight bars. We lipstick lesbians are all the rage nowadays. You never know where you’ll find us.”

  Kathryn stood up. “I feel like I’ve offended you.”

  “Don’t be silly. Sit down. I’m just teasing you.”

  Kathryn sat down, smiling uneasily. The phone on her desk suddenly started to ring. Obviously grateful for the distraction, she picked it up. “Speaking,” she said into the mouthpiece.

  Rachel watched as an expression of concern shadowed Kathryn’s face as she asked. “Which hospital?”

  CHAPTER 6

  “Don’t fuss, Kathryn. It’s only a bump,” Gareth said as she tried to put an ice pack on his forehead.

  “You could have really been hurt.”

  “Well, I wasn’t. Honestly, this is all a big fuss over nothing.”

  “I don’t think bricks crashing down on your head is nothing,” she said, recalling the story he’d told her at the hospital.

  “Ouch,” he said as he tried to stand up.

  “Sit back down,” she scolded, holding him by his arm and gently helping him back into the chair. “The doctor said to rest and that’s what you’re going to do. I think we should cancel dinner with your brother on Sunday.”

  “No, no, I’ll be fine. It’s really not that bad, and we haven’t seen him in an age.”

  “Ok, if you are sure. Now I think I’ll go and make us something to eat.”

  “Aren’t you going back to work?”

  “And leave you here by yourself? No, I know exactly what you’ll be up to, as soon as I walk out the door — work. For one day you can just give it a rest,” she said, concern etched on her face.

  “Okay, boss,” he replied. “I’m sorry you had to leave work early.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I didn’t have much to do today.” She couldn’t even begin to tell him how grateful she was for his intervention.

  “Why don’t you sit down with me?” he asked, placing his hand on her arm.

  Kathryn gently pulled her arm away and turned to leave the room. “I can’t, I need to make your dinner.”

  “It can wait.”

  She stopped and looked back at him. “It can’t. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “Okay,” he said, with a look of resignation.

  “What do you fancy? I could make pasta and a salad.”

  “That’ll be fine,” he said, glancing away.

  She noticed the hurt look in his eyes and with all her might she wished she could go to him. He was her husband, after all, but she couldn’t, she needed to keep her mind busy. She didn’t know which had shocked her the most this afternoon — the phone call from the hospital from Gareth or finding out Rachel was gay.

  She made her way to the kitchen and began chopping the red onion and cucumber. Kathryn thought back to earlier that day, remembering how hard it had been to hide her feelings behind a professional mask. But why did I react that way when she told me? Did I make a complete idiot of myself? It wasn’t as if Rachel was the first lesbian she had ever met; she’d known about Cody but she’d never felt threatened by her in any way — so why did Rachel feel like such a threat to her? The realisation hit her like a bolt of lightning — what she saw as a silly crush before was now actually obtainable.

  She absent-mindedly pushed the chopped food into a salad bowl and took out the ingredients to make a vinaigrette.

  “Oh shit,” she said aloud as she realised that she had ruined the dressing by using vegetable oil instead of extra virgin oil.

  “Is everything alright?” Gareth called from the living room.

  “Yes, it’s fine,” she called back, pouring the oil down the sink, knowing in her heart that everything was far from fine.

  CHAPTER 7

  Thick grey clouds cast
a gloomy and lifeless atmosphere over Hyde Park. Two men, one tall and the other slightly shorter, dressed in matching black puffer jackets with fur trimmed hoods, walked past Rachel and Zoe in silence, heads bowed with their hands stuffed deep into their pockets.

  “Whoa, let’s start from the beginning. A once famous actress now turned crazy cat woman is spending thirty grand — three-O, on a glorified cat house?” Zoe asked. Though she hugged herself tightly, the gesture did little to improve her body heat.

  “Yep, you’ve got it in one.” Zoe moved to the edge of the park bench, shaking her head in amazement.

  “The worst thing is the room is bigger than our flat,” Rachel continued, biting into the chocolate flake on her ice cream.

  “Man, we must have done something really bad in our last life if cats are getting better treatment than we are.”

  “Tell me about it,” Rachel said, offering her ice cream to Zoe, who declined it with a small shake of her head.

  “Apart from cat woman, anything else happen at your meeting today?” Zoe asked, raising her eyebrow.

  “Not what you’re thinking,” Rachel said. She paused for a second as she watched a small grey squirrel expertly scale the trunk of a grand oak tree and effortlessly jump onto its bare branch. “But I did tell her I was gay.”

  “I bet that went down well — not.”

  “She did seem a bit taken aback, but she didn’t run out of the office screaming, so that’s something, I suppose.” Rachel had actually felt sorry for Kathryn. She’d looked like a deer in front of an oncoming vehicle. She’d wanted to laugh at her reaction but didn’t think it would have been appreciated. What was it with women who thought because you were a lesbian you were going to find them irresistible? Though she had to admit in this case it was actually true.