No Other Love Page 10

  On the patchy green of the uncared-for lawn, two pigeons were in the middle of a courtship routine. The smaller female was strutting around the garden, followed closely by a larger, glassy-eyed male. When he got too close, she would flutter up and land away from him, then he would do the same and end up behind her again, then they would repeat their dance until he got too close again.

  Sophie watched them for a few minutes, feeling that they were the perfect metaphor for where she was right then – two parts of herself, chasing each other around, but ultimately getting nowhere.

  Then the doorbell rang, raucous and insistent.

  Amber?

  Had she been wrestling with the same inner demons Sophie had been, and taken the decision out of Sophie’s hands? A sense of relief filled her because the constant toing and froing had been driving her crazy.

  Without bothering to try and act cool, calm and collected, Sophie ran to the front door, her heart pounding in anticipation for who she had hoped was standing on the doorstep, but when she pulled the door back, the person was not who she expected.

  ‘Alison?’ Sophie asked, her forehead creasing in confusion.

  What the hell is she doing here?

  ‘Yes, it’s me. You haven’t forgotten what I look like already have you? It’s only been a few weeks, Sophie.’

  ‘No, no, sorry, it’s just…’ Sophie’s mind was ablaze. How had Alison found out where she was? What was she doing there? Why is she smiling? All those unanswered questions joined the mixing bowl that was already her mind and started to blend in, making one muddy concoction of madness, swirling around when all she wanted was clarity. This was not clarity.

  ‘I did text to say I was on my way.’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yeah, when I got off the train half an hour ago.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Why the hell didn’t I unblock her? At least I would have been forewarned.

  Alison took a few seconds to sweep a gaze over Sophie’s appearance.

  ‘You do look like shit. Have you got a hangover?’ Alison said with a look of disapproval.

  Trust her to notice straight away! Sophie combed her hand through her hair and patted down several stray, sticking up strands. Then she looked down at the old T-shirt that had seen better days. She probably did look like shit, of that there was no doubt.

  Alison looked, well, just like Alison always did. Well turned out in smart jeans and a top, with a casual hoodie to ward off the cool breeze that was blowing her mousy hair around as she stood patiently on the doorstep.

  ‘So can I come in?’ Alison asked after a few seconds of silence.

  ‘Yes, yes. Of course,’ Sophie said, feeling the first twangs of tension gripping the pit of her stomach as she looked down at what Alison held in her hand.

  A suitcase.

  She’s planning on staying.

  Sophie stepped aside to let Alison in, then slowly closed the door, watching as Alison peeked through the door into the kitchen then carried on, past the foot of the stairs.

  ‘Next left,’ Sophie said as she finally started to come to her senses.

  Alison pointed, then checked over her shoulder for confirmation.

  Sophie nodded and began to follow slowly behind, shaking her head to herself. What the hell was happening? Why had she just let Alison walk in as if it was just another day? That she hadn’t been smearing her name to her clients. That she hadn’t walked out of her life without a second glance.

  Had Sophie lost her mind?

  Once they were both seated on the sofa, Alison broke the tense silence.

  ‘So I read your letter.’

  ‘I kind of gathered that seeing as you’ve been going around bad mouthing me to my clients.’

  ‘Ah I take it you’ve spoken with Sue?’ Alison said looking sheepish. ‘Sorry about that. I was upset. Your letter—’

  ‘That’s no excuse, Alison. You’re fucking with my livelihood. Not to mention my colleagues’ ones.’

  ‘Look, I said I’m sorry, didn’t I?’

  ‘And that makes it okay? You say sorry and my feelings get brushed under the carpet like they don’t matter.’ Sophie shook her head, frustration slowly rising within. ‘Why does this feel so familiar?’

  Alison blew out an exasperated breath. ‘I haven’t come all this way to argue with you.’

  ‘Then why have you come?’

  ‘To talk.’

  ‘Then talk. So far all I’m hearing are excuses.’

  In that moment Sophie felt, then heard, her stomach rumble… loudly.

  ‘Have you been drinking on an empty stomach?’ Alison asked as if she was her mother.

  Sophie nodded miserably. Alison always had a go at her for doing this.

  ‘Come on.’ Alison stood resolutely.

  ‘Where’re we going?’

  ‘To feed you. I’m not going to be cleaning up after you if you start vomiting tonight.’

  ‘I haven’t drunk that much,’ Sophie protested.

  Alison eyed the near empty bottle of wine on the table. ‘No, of course you haven’t—’

  Sophie started to say something, but Alison held her hand up to silence her.

  ‘This is not debateable, Sophie. Let’s go.’

  Sophie knew there was no point in arguing. She got to her feet.

  ‘You win,’ Sophie said out loud, then under her breath. ‘As usual.’

  ***

  The pub was quiet when they walked in and they found a seat easily. They read the menu in silence and Alison took it upon herself to order once they’d decided what they wanted. When it came to drinks, Sophie put her foot down. She was not going to drink water like Alison suggested and instead ordered a large G&T.

  ‘I’m surprised you never brought me to your hometown when we were together,’ Alison said, looking around the snug country pub.

  ‘It’s not exactly your scene, is it?’ Sophie said. She didn’t want to point out that she had asked Alison several times to come back and visit her mother with her, only to be turned down. Alison always citing work as a priority.

  ‘You should’ve insisted.’

  ‘I’m not your mother. I don’t have to insist you do anything.’

  Before Alison could reply, the waiter arrived with their food.

  Sophie took her first bite while Alison pushed her plate aside and clasped her hands out in front of her.

  ‘Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I came here because I want you back.’

  Sophie looked up and almost choked on a mouthful of fish.

  ‘Excuse me? Did I just hear right? You want me back?’ As hard as she tried not to, Sophie couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Please tell me you’re kidding.’

  Alison squinted. A sure sign she was annoyed by her reaction. ‘Do I look like I’m kidding?’

  ‘No and that’s what’s so funny.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  Sophie chewed and swallowed frantically. ‘That you think you can just dump me and walk back into my life like nothing ever happened.’

  ‘I’m well aware of what happened between us, and I hold my hands up. A lot of our problems were down to me.’

  Jesus Christ, am I hearing things? Alison admitting to being in the wrong? Well this is a first.

  ‘What d’you think? D’you want to make another go of things?’ Alison said.

  At that very moment, something caught Sophie’s attention at the pub’s entrance.

  She looked over Alison’s right shoulder and straight into the eyes of Amber.

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‘Oh, Mum. Let’s try somewhere else,’ Amber said, almost the moment they walked into the pub and spotted Sophie.

  ‘Whatever for? We’re here now. There’re plenty of tables. Why would you want to go anywhere else?’

  Amber turned, facing her mum at the bar, with her back to Sophie and the woman Sophie was sitting at the table with.

  ‘Because Sophie is sitting at a table just behind me,’ she whispered.
<
br />   Amber’s mum stood on her tiptoes and looked over Amber’s shoulder. ‘Where? Oh, yes. So she is. And?’

  Amber pulled at her mother’s arm. ‘Don’t look! It’s awkward, okay?’

  Her mum fixed Amber with a stare.

  ‘Why? Did you fall out? I thought you were going to talk to her about things.’

  ‘I did. That’s the problem.’ Amber thought back to earlier that day with mixed emotions. On the one hand, she’d regretted blowing up at her, and on the other, she was glad to have cleared the air.

  ‘Well,’ her mum dragged out the word, ‘I’m listening.’

  From the look in her eyes, Amber knew her mother was not going to leave with her until she told her the truth. All of it.

  ‘Okay, okay. I told her I was happy in New York and couldn’t let anything stand in the way of that.’

  ‘And is it true?’

  ‘Is what true?’

  ‘That you’re happy in New York?’

  ‘What? Yes, no, oh I don’t know.’ Amber stumbled over her words. She just wanted to get out of the pub, away from Sophie.

  ‘Well, which is it?’

  ‘Look, I told her I’ve got a fiancé, okay? Can we go now?’

  Confusion clouded her mother’s eyes. ‘Why would you tell her something like that?’

  ‘I don’t know. I just blurted it out and couldn’t backtrack once I’d said it.’

  ‘Can I get you ladies a drink?’ the barman interrupted.

  Amber and her mum replied at the same time.

  ‘No,’ Amber said.

  ‘Yes,’ her mother replied. ‘A large glass of chardonnay for me please.’

  ‘And?’ he said looking at Amber.

  Amber sighed and, with defeat, added. ‘I’ll have the same please.’

  Her mother smiled, looking pleased with herself. ‘Can you bring them over to our table.’

  The barman nodded as her mum led the way to a table near the entrance.

  Amber was just grateful she hadn’t chosen the table beside Sophie.

  ‘Right, now explain to me why you’re playing silly mind games with Sophie.’

  ‘Oh come on, Mum,’ Amber groaned.

  ‘I’m serious, Amber. You’re too old for all this.’

  ‘Nice to know you’re on my side.’ Amber sneaked a look over her mother’s shoulder and found herself making a lingering eye contact with Sophie, who had plainly already seen her.

  Amber bit her lower lip and turned back to her mum, who was looking at her with compassion in her eyes.

  ‘I’m on your side. That’s why I want you to be happy. All this game playing never amounts to anything but misery. You should know that by now.’

  ‘I’m not playing games with her. She hurt me and it’s something that I can’t move on from.’

  ‘That happened ten years ago, you’ve got to let it go.’

  ‘Don’t you think I know that?’

  The barman placed their drinks in front of them. ‘Enjoy ladies.’

  ‘Look, it’s all irrelevant anyway. I live in New York, remember?’

  Amber could see the puzzlement on her mother’s face. Her eyebrows were almost up at her hairline. ‘I know you, Amber, and I know you haven’t said as much, but you’re in love with her.’

  Amber looked down at her glass, unable to face her mother’s gaze.

  ‘You’ve got to tell her the truth. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to move on.’

  ‘I know, but it’s not that easy,’ Amber muttered.

  ‘Nothing worth fighting for ever is.’

  Amber looked over her mother’s shoulder again.

  Sophie lifted her hand from the table and gave her a little wave.

  Amber looked back at her mum.

  ‘Why don’t you go and say hello to her. It’s a bit odd you both just staring at each other like strangers.’

  ‘Suppose,’ Amber said between gritted teeth. She took a deep breath and blew it out, plastered what she hoped was a genuine smile on her face, and turned to walk towards Sophie’s table.

  She stopped by the shoulder of the woman who was sitting with Sophie, still maintaining the smile.

  ‘Hey,’ Sophie said. Her expression was unreadable, but in her eyes, Amber saw… what was it? Fear? Guilt? It was impossible to tell, but Amber didn’t like it. She felt the urge to wrap her arms around Sophie and tell her everything was okay, but with a stranger there, she pushed down that feeling.

  ‘Hi,’ Amber forced the words out although even she could hear the wavering in her voice. ‘I thought I’d just come and say hello.’

  Sophie’s speech was stiff with tension. Her eyes were fixed on Amber’s with what now looked like pleading in them. ‘How’s your mum? You out for dinner?’

  Amber quickly glanced back over her shoulder to see her mum at their table with her phone in one hand and the menu in another, her gaze flitting from one to the other.

  Amber turned back and nodded. ‘Yeah, my dad has arranged a poker night with some of his friends, so we’re staying out of the way.’

  Sophie’s friend cleared her throat.

  Sophie’s eyes flicked away from Amber for a few moments, then, looking even more worried, back to Amber.

  ‘Sorry. Alison, this is my old school friend, Amber. Amber, this is Alison,’ Sophie said, indicating to Amber and Alison at the appropriate moment.

  Amber took a step to one side, so she wasn’t so close to Alison as she rose and held out a hand. Amber grasped it and the two women shook hands stiffly.

  ‘Hi,’ Amber said.

  ‘Hi,’ Alison replied. ‘So, you knew Sophie at school? What was she like back then? Was she the complete nightmare she is now?’ Alison said light-heartedly.

  ‘Oh,’ Amber said, surprised at the phrasing, ‘well, we sat together in a couple of lessons and played hockey, but she left after a term, so I didn’t really get a chance—’

  Alison turned to Sophie. ‘You played hockey at school? You never told me that. Short skirts and all that. I’d like to have seen it.’ Alison turned back to Amber. ‘I don’t know. Five years we’ve been together, and she never told me she used to play hockey, or that she had such attractive friends.’

  Alison leered at Amber, but Amber barely noticed.

  She’d gone ice-cold. Frozen to the spot.

  Alison is Sophie’s girlfriend?

  But… but… the question wouldn’t pop into her head, but she was certain Sophie had just split up with her boyfriend called Andy. All this crap about a boyfriend, when she was obviously gay. Not only that, she was already in a relationship.

  Amber felt slightly sick.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Alison asked, laying a hand on Amber’s forearm. Her touch brought her back to her senses.

  ‘What? Yeah. Yes, sorry.’ She moved her arm away from Alison and put her hand on her stomach. ‘Hungry.’

  Amber gazed at Sophie who was currently examining her hands as she wrung them on the table.

  ‘Right, well, I’d better get going before my mum starts ordering food for me. Nice to meet you, Alison. Look after yourself, Sophie.’

  ‘Yeah, bye,’ Sophie said without looking up from her hands.

  Amber turned and slowly wove her way between tables full of diners, some happy and cheerful, some silent and morose, which seemed to suit her mood better, until she got back to the table where she slumped in her seat, completely devastated.

  ‘Well done. That all looked civilised.’

  ‘You were watching?’ Amber grabbed her drink, clinking ice cubes musically against the inside of the glass as she picked it up and took a long gulp. She welcomed the slight burn as it went down her throat. She needed to feel something through the numbness.

  ‘Just to make sure you were okay.’

  Amber put the half empty long glass back down on the table with a slight bang.

  ‘Are you okay?’ her mum asked.

  Amber nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She reached over and picked up a men
u. She glanced over it without really seeing what was on offer.

  ‘I’m having the salmon for starter,’ her mum said.

  Amber forced herself to focus, perusing the starters page again.

  ‘Garlic mushrooms,’ her mum continued, ‘and the steak and ale pie.’

  Amber checked over the main meals page. Too many choices. Too many decisions to make.

  In the end, she went for the easy option. ‘I’ll have the same.’

  Amber snapped the menu shut and slid it back into its holder.

  ‘Are you going to tell me what happened over there?’ her mum asked.

  Amber looked up, catching the worried look on her mum’s face.

  Could she? She’d barely processed what had happened herself. All she knew up to then was that she felt betrayed.

  ‘Tell you what?’

  ‘Well, whatever it is, please don’t be snippy with me. I don’t think I deserve that.’

  Amber looked over at her mum again. She had her reading glasses pushed up on top of her head and was staring intently at her.

  ‘Sorry, Mum.’

  ‘That’s okay. I’ve been your mum a long time. I know when there’s something wrong, and you know as well as I do that bottling it up doesn’t help one little bit, so spill, come on.’

  Amber looked at her mum again, the toweringly strong figure who had been one of the few constant and consistent sources of support over the years, and knew she was right.

  Holding on to this was going to do her no good. Better to get it out there and deal with it.

  ‘I said hello. She said it back.’

  ‘Well, that was a good start. So what made you so mad that you have been clattering glasses and almost ripping the menu in two?’

  ‘Sophie introduced me to the woman she’s with.’

  ‘Polite. That’s good.’

  ‘She’s her girlfriend, Mum.’

  Amber’s mum frowned. ‘Ah. I take it you don’t mean a friend who happens to be a girl?’

  ‘No. Five years. They’ve been together five years, and yet she’s spent the last few days pretending to be straight.’

  Not that I’m one to talk, but at least I wasn’t trying to make a move on her.

  Amber’s mum took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She reached over and put her hand on Amber’s. ‘Then I suggest we eat our meals elsewhere and don’t mention her again. You need to put her out of your life, for good now. I know you won’t be able to do that easily, but I think it’s for the best.’