No Other Love Read online

  The feel of Sophie’s mouth still lingered on Amber’s lips. Sophie’s smooth hot tongue attempting to make contact with her own, engrained in her memory. Why, oh why, had she pulled away? Because I had to. Look what happened the last time Sophie kissed me and turned my world upside down. No, Amber wasn’t going to let that happen again. She wasn’t the same hapless teenager she’d been ten years ago. She was a woman of the world now. More experienced. She certainly wasn’t going to let herself fall into a tailspin because the woman she loved had kissed her again.

  Her thoughts came to a sudden halt. The woman I love. It felt strange actually acknowledging it to herself, but it was the truth. She still loved Sophie, she had never stopped and doubted she ever would.

  Yet that didn’t make things okay. Amber damned herself for not listening to her gut instinct. It had tried to warn her to stay away. But oh no, I just had to go, didn’t I? She touched her lips with her fingertips, reliving the memory again. Now look what’s happened.

  Amber was caught up in an emotional rollercoaster all over again and didn’t know how she was going to get off it.

  Her one saving grace was that she would be leaving for New York in three weeks. If she could manage to avoid Sophie until then, maybe, just maybe, she could get her emotions under control and put them back where they belonged. Under lock and key.

  It was still only nine p.m. by the time the cab Amber had called dropped her off at her parents’ house. As she walked up the gravel drive, the twisting sensation in her gut seemed to get worse. How on earth was she going to stop herself from wanting to see Sophie again? It was all very well trying to think logically about the situation, but try telling her irrational heart that it was a non-starter. Not only was Amber meant to have a fiancé in New York, but Sophie had just broken up with her boyfriend. There had been no mention of Sophie ever having women in her life, so she obviously leant more towards men after all this time. The fact that she had kissed her though proved Sophie still had a thing for girls which was something, she supposed.

  Don’t even go there, Amber told herself resolutely. You’re asking for trouble if you get involved with her again.

  She slipped the key into the lock and pushed the door back, before stepping over the threshold and closing and locking the door behind her. The house was in complete darkness and she navigated her way to her bedroom by memory alone.

  Dropping her bag and coat on the chair by the window, she flopped onto the bed, lying on her back with her hands behind her head. The quiet of the night interrupted only by a cry of foxes in the distance.

  She closed her eyes and almost immediately the image of Sophie leaning in to kiss her popped up in her mind’s eye. She resisted the urge to open her eyes to rid herself of the image and instead enjoyed the scene that played out in front of her. The ease with which Sophie had moved in on her without any warning, exactly as she had done back in school. The softness and tenderness of the first touch, then the awakening of passion when she started to press harder, more insistently. The memory overwhelmed her to the point where she jerked up into a sitting position, slightly out of breath.

  She had to stop this. It was a fantasy in her head. It had no place in reality. In the real world where people got hurt when things didn’t turn out as expected. Whatever it was that connected them, wasn’t strong enough to sustain anything solid. She knew that.

  Her life was elsewhere.

  It couldn’t be there, here, back home. It couldn’t. It would be like taking a huge step backwards away from the life she had built for herself in New York.

  The moment Amber realised that she still had feelings for Sophie, she should have taken action. Hacked her feelings off at ground level before those first tender shoots of passion became anything more.

  I need to go.

  That was it. That would do it. If she packed and left now, she could be on a plane in the early hours and gone before morning. Even if she couldn’t get a plane immediately, she would sooner sit in the antiseptic grey of an airport, numbing her brain for a few hours than spend another minute torturing herself at home. Amber wanted Sophie. She had no doubt about that. The tender touch was enough to confirm what she already knew.

  She had one small suitcase to pack, ten minutes tops. She only needed clothes, what few there were. All the rest of the stuff Amber had accumulated in the few days she’d been here could be replaced.

  She would have to say goodbye to her parents. She couldn’t go without telling them the truth. They would understand.

  When Amber stood up from the bed, her foot caught in a casually discarded piece of clothing, sending her forward rapidly, only stopping herself by grabbing the front of her chest of drawers which banged noisily against the wall.

  ‘Shit,’ she said quietly to herself. She really didn’t want to wake her mum or dad. Not yet.

  She reached up to grab her small suitcase from the top of the wardrobe where it was stored. Unseen to her, it caught on an old shoebox she hadn’t realised was up there. The suitcase came quietly. The shoebox fell to the floor with a thud.

  She might as well have been an elephant thundering around in there for all the noise she was making, when all she wanted to be was quiet.

  ‘Are you okay?’ her mother asked as she slid her doughty figure, dressing gown wrapped, into the room and onto the bed.

  Amber nodded.

  ‘What’s going on? You were making enough noise to wake the dead in here. Did the reunion not go well?’

  Amber shook her head.

  ‘Was it a mistake going?’ her mother said, eyeing the suitcase.

  ‘Yes and no,’ Amber put the suitcase down and sat beside her, ‘it wasn’t that. For the most part, it was quite nice.’

  ‘So, what happened to make you want to pack and run off back to New York? I take it that’s your intention?’

  ‘I was going to come and wake you both,’ Amber said, sheepishly glancing at the shoebox, remarkably still intact despite the fall. ‘I’d forgotten all about that.’

  ‘Just goes to show how often I come in here. I didn’t even know it was up there. Are you going to tell me why you’re leaving?’

  ‘I have to, Mum.’

  ‘Why? I know it’s made your father very happy to have you back home. You being here is the tonic he needed I think, and I’m not just saying that to make you feel guilty and stay.’ She nudged Amber with an elbow.

  ‘I know and it’s been lovely to see you both. You know I love you, don’t you?’

  A nod from her mother was confirmation enough.

  ‘So, what brought all this on?’

  Amber half stood and grabbed the shoebox from the floor, blew the residual dust from it and sat back down, unpeeling the elastic band that had kept the lid in place.

  She pulled off the lid and set it on the bed beside her, then reached into the box. The first thing she took out was a diary, a purple sparkly cover glinting like it was almost brand new. She put that on the box lid. Too personal to even show her mum and, from what she remembered, full of teenage angst and concerns about her own sexuality. Underneath were photographs. She pulled the first one out. It was a picture of her and Sophie, one arm around each other’s waist and the other arm aloft in triumph after a hockey victory.

  On the back was a simple inscription.

  Sophie and me.

  She passed it over to her mum to look at, hoping she wouldn’t have to spell out in words what was going on.

  ‘Ah Sophie’s back on the scene?’

  Amber nodded, her lips pursed tightly together. ‘She picked me up and took me.’

  ‘You still have feelings for her?’ A mother’s intuition was at work.

  Another nod and a sideways glance.

  ‘Only much deeper.’ Amber sighed. She had told her parents about Sophie when they had insisted they take her to a doctor when she refused to eat after Sophie disappeared.

  ‘Have you spoken about the past?’

  ‘Yeah but nothing came of it.�
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  ‘Not even for you?’

  ‘I dunno.’ Amber dropped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. ‘What’s the point of going over old ground. We’re grown women now. We’ve both got our own lives.’

  ‘Love isn’t that simple, Amber. It doesn’t play by logic, does it? If it did, millions of hearts wouldn’t be broken every day. Neither would there be a billion-pound romance industry.’

  ‘I know you’re right, but I can’t go through this again. You saw the state of me when she left.’

  Her mother lay down beside Amber and took her hand in her own. ‘I know, but you know what they say, what doesn’t kill you—’

  ‘Only makes you stronger,’ Amber finished off the sentence. ‘But that’s just it, I don’t feel stronger, especially when I’m around her. In fact, I feel like a sodding teenager again.’ Vulnerable. Out of my depth.

  ‘And you think running away is going to solve things?’

  ‘You got another solution? I can’t put myself through that again. Nothing can come of it anyway. I have to go back to New York eventually. I’m just about to launch the biggest artist I’ve ever represented, and everything is going so well. Why would I want to jeopardise all of that for something that might be nothing?’

  ‘Have you asked Sophie how she feels about you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And have you explained to Sophie how you feel about her?’

  ‘No… she kissed me tonight.’

  ‘Oh, she did, did she?’ her mum said smiling. ‘You tell me this now.’

  ‘I didn’t see the point in adding even more fuel to the fire.’

  ‘Well, call me an old traditionalist, but don’t you think you owe it to her and yourself to talk about it rather than running away?’

  ‘I’m not running away.’ A hint of irritation crept into Amber’s voice.

  ‘Then why are you going back to New York in the middle of the night?’

  ‘Because… because… oh I don’t know why. Maybe I am running away. Can you blame me?’

  ‘How d’you think not having any closure is going to work for you?’

  Amber turned her head to look at her mum who had her eyebrows raised.

  The silence grew longer until Amber finally shook her head.

  ‘My God, you’re a bloody know all.’

  Amber’s mum broke out into a laugh.

  ‘No, darling. I’m just a mother, doing what mothers do. So, you’ll stay and sort this out once and for all?’

  Amber nodded.

  ‘Good. Call Sophie in the morning.’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Good.’ Her mother turned to face her. ‘In life we only get limited chances to be happy. Sometimes you have to allow your head to rule. Sometimes the heart. You can be the most successful person in the world, but if you have no one to share it with, what’s the point?’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Right, now that’s sorted, hot chocolate?’

  Amber grinned. ‘Marshmallows on top?’

  ‘What other way is there to have it? Come on.’

  They both got off the bed simultaneously and left the bedroom arm in arm.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Awwwhh shit,’ Sophie groaned as she adjusted herself on the sofa where she’d been sprawled out since drinking all night after she’d returned from the reunion. I really need to stop drinking.

  No sooner had that thought left her mind it was immediately replaced with another one that she’d been desperately trying not to think of. Kissing Amber. What the hell had she been thinking? That’s just it, I wasn’t. As always, Sophie had acted before her brain had the chance to assess the situation and tell her that making a move on Amber was a big no-no.

  Had she blown her chances of becoming friends with Amber now?

  Probably.

  Without Lee there to nurse her, Sophie knew she had two choices. Either write the entire day off until the pounding in her head stopped, or to get up and make something to eat in the hope of food making her feel human again. The only problem with the latter was that there was no food in the house. The shopping she’d bought days ago was long gone.

  There’s only one thing to do. Brave the pain and do it anyway.

  Very carefully, Sophie edged herself upright and gently managed to push herself to her feet. The throbbing in her head intensified and she winced, keeping still until the tsunami of pain and its associated misery washed over her.

  The throb subsided to a gentle ache.

  Success.

  Kitchen, kettle, coffee, she repeated to herself as she took the first tentative steps on impossibly shaky legs.

  Three repetitions had her leaning with one hand on the worktop edge while she searched her bag with the other, finally finding some painkillers and washing them down with a glass of water from the tap, she breathed out a sigh of relief. That was one accomplishment done.

  Half an hour later, with the pain gone, her head clear, hunger taunted her.

  She showered, changed, and headed out to town where the homely café called her name.

  As she pushed open the door, the warmth and enticing aroma of greasy fry ups assaulted her nostrils. Instead of making her stomach churn, it rumbled in appreciation as she walked in and headed to the counter.

  If she could have groaned loudly when the waitress turned around to serve her, she would have, but instead she plastered a fake smile on her face when she recognised the woman. Kelly, her best friend from primary school and her first ever crush. If that’s what you could call an eight-year-old being smitten by another girl because of her two long ponytails that swished like a horse’s tail whenever she turned her head.

  ‘Well I never, fancy seeing you back here,’ Kelly said with a huge grin on her face.

  ‘I didn’t know you worked here?’ Sophie said, trying to match Kelly’s enthusiasm but failing miserably.

  ‘I not only work here, I own the place,’ Kelly said smiling.

  It was obvious she didn’t feel slighted by Sophie’s honest mistake. ‘Wow, that’s brilliant. Good for you.’

  ‘Thanks. What about you? I heard you live in London now.’

  ‘Yeah, been there for the past ten years.’

  ‘Ooh sounds so glamorous.’ Kelly glanced down at Sophie’s hand. ‘Not married yet?’

  ‘Yet?’ Sophie repeated. ‘Marriage isn’t on the cards for me I’m afraid.’

  Kelly looked at her as if she had suddenly grown two heads. ‘Really? But what about kids?’

  ‘What about them?’

  ‘Surely you want to have them. Don’t you?’

  Sophie sighed at the thought of having to have yet another conversation about her uterus. ‘No, Kelly, actually I don’t. The thought of getting married and having children is my worst nightmare.’

  Kelly took a step back, her expression one of distaste. ‘You’ll regret ending up all alone. Imagine, no one to look after you when you’re old. Maybe it’s just because you haven’t met the right person yet.’

  ‘Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because I know my own mind and I don’t follow societal rules like a sheep. Maybe if you’d actually left this small-minded village and experienced the real world, you’d realise not everyone wants to be a mother or a wife.’

  Sophie’s intention wasn’t to be rude, but she had simply had enough of other people, mostly women, basically shaming her because she didn’t want to lead a traditional life.

  Before the situation had the opportunity to escalate any further, a couple entered the café and queued up behind Sophie.

  ‘What can I get you.’ Kelly’s shocked demeanour suddenly changed back to the professional café owner.

  ‘Full English breakfast and a tea please,’ Sophie said as politely as she could.

  ‘Go and grab a table and I’ll bring it over to you.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Sophie nodded and headed back into the main part of the café. Three empty tables presented themselves. Sophie chose the one next to a table with two e
lderly ladies sharing a pot of tea. Inside she was seething, but she managed to give the women a fake smile as they gawked at her.

  The lady with the red scarf leant over and gestured for Sophie to get closer.

  If the woman thought her age was going to save her from a bollocking, she had another think coming. Hangover or no hangover, Sophie was in no mood for judgemental people to be commenting on her lifestyle choices.

  ‘I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Kelly… well done for following your own path. It takes a lot of courage to go against the grain. Believe me, I know it from first-hand experience.’

  The woman looked at her friend sat beside her and Sophie saw the loving exchange between the two of them.

  ‘Thank you,’ Sophie said smiling. ‘I really appreciate it.’

  The woman gave her a knowing look and turned her attention back to pouring their tea.

  Sophie took the time to check her phone for work e-mails. Surprisingly for her, the last time she’d checked was a few days ago. Normally, she’d being checking them every half hour, but for some reason work was the last thing on her mind. For some reason? Who am I kidding?

  Just one urgent message from Sue telling her that she had been trying to call her. Shit, how did I miss that? She quickly dialled Sue’s number and while she waited for her to answer, a waitress brought her tea over and placed it on the table in front of her.

  Sophie mouthed a thank you just as Sue answered.

  ‘Hey, I just saw your email. What’s happened?’ Sophie asked with dread. She hoped this had nothing to do with Alison going into their office and making a scene because of her letter.

  ‘It’s Alison…’

  Sophie’s heart dropped. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to block Alison after all. At least she could have kept tabs on her mindset if Sophie had allowed her to call.

  ‘What’s she done?’ Sophie asked, dreading to hear her response.

  ‘When I wouldn’t tell her where you were, she started bad mouthing you to anyone who’d listen.’ Sue paused and Sophie could feel the tension down the line. ‘I don’t think it was such a good idea you taking time off. It’s making it look as if there’s substance to her accusations.’