Just One Destiny Page 7

  ‘I find that hard to believe.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You having a rough day. You look so together.’

  Little do you know. ‘Looks can be deceiving.’

  ‘That I know, unfortunately,’ Carissa said in a manner that left Teal in no doubt that she had been seriously hurt by her ex-girlfriend.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Carissa folded her arms across her chest. ‘I don’t think it’s acceptable to talk to my boss about my personal problems. It’s not exactly normal is it?’

  ‘Depends on the circumstances.’ Talking of normal, was it right for Teal’s eyes to be drawn to the faint outline of Carissa’s nipple against the thin material of the vest she wore? Teal mentally slapped herself. Of course it isn’t. That’s sexual harassment.

  Despite pulling herself up on this, the tingling sensation that spread through her body remained. ‘Look, you obviously need a shoulder to cry on. For tonight, forget I’m your boss. I’m just a stranger you’ve bumped into. A person you’ll never see again.’

  ‘Well, in that case, my bitch of a girlfriend, sorry ex-girlfriend, emailed me today.’ Carissa volunteered the information abruptly.

  ‘Oh, okay? I take it that’s bad.’

  Carissa took another mouthful of beer. ‘Bad? It’s worse than bad. After unceremoniously dumping me she disappeared to India. Not once in the past month did she try and contact me to see how I am. Then bam—out of the blue today she emails. And do you know why?’

  Teal shook her head. Her lips twitched but she managed to control her grin. Carissa looked so cute; all flushed and animated.

  ‘For her bloody passwords.’

  Teal raised her eyebrows and she felt compelled to say, ‘Which you have?’

  ‘I kept track of all her stuff,’ Carissa replied. ‘She was terrible at remembering things. She forgot her keys at least once a week and missed my birthday two out of the three years we were together.’

  Teal fought the urge to shake her head. She couldn’t imagine treating someone as nice as Carissa with such distain. ‘How did you manage to stay together for so long?’

  ‘Because I was a complete idiot who didn’t see the obvious,’ Carissa said, drinking some more. ‘Actually, scratch that. I did see it, I just didn’t want to accept it. It was easier being in denial than admitting the truth.’

  ‘Which was?’

  ‘That Lara was never right for me,’ Carissa replied looking down at her near empty glass. ‘She was never right for me because she never actually cared about me. It was all about her. She was only with me because I enabled her.’

  ‘So why did you enable her?’ Teal said aware that she was starting to sound like a therapist, but she couldn’t help it. She was curious.

  ‘Because I don’t like being alone.’ Carissa put her glass to her mouth but she didn’t drink. ‘Because it was comforting to have someone to come home to. Because, at the end of the day, someone was better than no one.’

  Carissa stared ahead for a moment and Teal knew she was thinking back over her relationship with her ex. Her eyes were drenched in memory and Teal could see the waves of emotion as she worked through things in her mind.

  ‘Do you know why she ended it?’ Carissa said suddenly, looking back up at Teal. She didn’t wait for Teal to respond. ‘She left me so she could go and find herself.’

  ‘And India is the place to do that?’ Teal asked, wondering if that was something she should do once the renovation was over.

  ‘Apparently,’ Carissa said bitterly. ‘But it doesn’t matter where she goes. It doesn’t matter what she does—it’s just a phase. Everything is a phase with Lara.’

  ‘Did she go through a lot of them?’

  ‘Like you wouldn’t believe,’ Carissa said. ‘She started practicing yoga to get in touch with her spiritual side and that lasted all of two weeks. Then she committed to learning Japanese only to drop out of the class four days in. Then she bought a bunch of recipe books because she was convinced she had missed her calling in the culinary arts and then binned them a month later. But that was Lara all over—full of grand ideas that disintegrated before she’d given them a chance.’

  ‘Sounds draining,’ Teal said.

  ‘It was. Every time she dropped out of something or quit or lost interest, she fell into one of her “moods”. She’d get depressed with her own inadequacy and she’d sulk around the flat like a ten-year-old who’d been told she’d lost her television privileges.’

  Teal listened to Carissa as she vented. She loved how forthright she was. How she volunteered information about her life without Teal having to ask. More than anything, she loved her vulnerability, and the fact that she wasn’t afraid to show it.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Carissa sighed. ‘I know I’m talking at you. I’m just … frustrated. And I tend to babble when I become unhinged.’

  ‘Are you unhinged?’ Teal asked with amusement.

  ‘I don’t know.’ Carissa shrugged. ‘That was the word Lara used to describe me when I got annoyed with her.’

  ‘She sounds like a prize.’

  Carissa laughed. ‘You know what’s really sad? As selfish and oblivious as she was, what does it say about me that I stayed with her for so long?’

  ‘Maybe it says that you’re hopeful?’ Teal suggested.

  Carissa stared at her for a moment, then let out a short laugh. ‘You’re being kind and you know it. I was being weak. A coward. I was trying to chase something that I’d lost a long time ago.’

  ‘Which was what?’

  ‘A feeling,’ Carissa replied, raising her eyes to Teal’s. ‘One that I’d only ever experienced living with my dad. That feeling of safety and belonging, of being appreciated and understood. I suppose in a way I was trying to find that with someone. God knows I couldn’t count on my mother. It’s ironic really.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘That in many ways, I was looking to escape my mother and I ended up with someone just like her.’

  ‘It sounds like this is more about your mother than it is about Lara?’ Teal said cautiously.

  Carissa didn’t reply right away. She took her beer in both hands and drank until she had cleared the half-pint mark. Then she set down her glass and glanced at Teal with sad, thoughtful eyes.

  ‘Maybe. I used to think my mum was lost but then I realised that that was just wishful thinking on my part. My mother was never lost. She knew exactly what she wanted from her life. I was just not very high on her list.’

  ‘She’s called you since you’ve been here, hasn’t she?’ Teal asked.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So if she didn’t care, why would she even bother?’

  Carissa’s eyes seemed to burn a little brighter for a moment and then they softened. She sighed deeply. ‘Dunno. I know deep down she loves me—in her own way. But sometimes ….’

  ‘Sometimes?’ Teal pressed.

  ‘It’s just not enough.’

  Teal understood more than Carissa would ever know. Memories of her own past whirled threateningly around in her head and she tried to push them aside by drinking more beer. There was no point in telling Carissa about her own turbulent relationship with her family. The fact that she hadn’t been in contact with any of them for the past three years. The only difference between Teal and Carissa was the fact that Teal didn’t care. Down to the core of her being, didn’t care. She wasn’t the type of person who paid lip service and pretended she wasn’t affected by her horrible upbringing. The day in, day out emotional abuse. The drugs, the lying, the fighting that were daily occurrences in the family home had left emotional scars that would have taken a lifetime to heal, had Teal not removed herself from the toxic environment. The fact that her older brother was still within the family fold was enough to tell Teal that they hadn’t seen the light. Not yet anyway.

  ‘I’m going to get us some more drinks,’ Carissa said, rising to her feet.

  Teal let her go. The alcohol was starting
to take affect and she liked the feeling of relaxation that passed throughout her body. When Carissa returned to their table, her expression was different—softer. She pushed a bottle of beer towards Teal and looked at her with interest.

  ‘You know what I realised when I was at the bar?’

  Teal raised her eyebrows. From the open way Carissa was talking and how Carissa’s body leant in towards her, Teal could tell that the alcohol was freeing her inhibitions.

  ‘I don’t know anything about you,’ Carissa observed. Her eyes roamed over Teal’s face. ‘You’re a closed book. In fact, you could almost be a character in a book. The tall, dark, beautiful stranger with the brooding manner and the mysterious past.’

  Teal laughed uncomfortably when Carissa held her gaze just a little too long. ‘I’m hardly that interesting and I certainly don’t have a mysterious past.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘Nope. I’ve gone through the same crap as everyone else.’

  ‘Like?’

  ‘Like ….’ Teal let out a small broken sigh. ‘The usual stuff.’

  ‘As in relationships?’

  ‘You could say that.’

  A loose strand of hair fell across Carissa’s forehead and Teal was overcome with the urge to reach out and tuck it back behind her ear. The moment the thought crossed her mind she leant back in her seat, putting some much-needed distance between them.

  ‘I take it that you’re the one that normally ends things,’ Carissa said.

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Because I can’t imagine anyone ever walking away from you.’

  Their eyes met and neither woman broke contact. They held each other’s gaze like magnets and there was a strange sense of understanding that crept in between them.

  ‘If you knew me, you wouldn’t say that,’ Teal said almost trance-like.

  Carissa grinned. ‘Why? Have you committed a hideous crime you’re not telling me about?’

  This was getting too personal for Teal. If they carried on talking, who knew where it would lead. Teal was not the sort of person to wear her heart on her sleeve—for anyone. Her grief was hers and hers alone to deal with. As well as that, all of this openness left her feeling cautious. Maybe Carissa was right about overstepping professional boundaries.

  ‘Forget I said anything. Look, I’m going to head back,’ Teal said quickly before she could retract it. ‘Are you staying?’

  Carissa frowned. ‘I thought … no, I’ll come back with you.’

  The walk back to the house was a silent one although Teal found herself glancing at Carissa every few seconds. Why can’t I be like her? She was so open with me. Deep down Teal knew why—she didn’t want to be judged. To have Carissa see her for the weak-willed woman she was. That she had thought about killing herself rather than facing the realities of life. If Teal was truthful, finding out about Carissa’s past only reinforced her own weakness. To have been through what Carissa had, and to still keep going took courage, something Teal seriously lacked. So no, Teal wouldn’t be spilling her heart out to Carissa. Better to leave her believing Teal was someone that she wasn’t, than finding out the truth.

  When they were outside the house, they didn’t go in straight away. Instead, Carissa took hold of Teal’s hand. The distress from earlier had disappeared from her eyes.

  ‘Thank you for coming with me tonight.’ She leant forward and kissed Teal on the cheek.

  ‘Anytime.’

  Despite her misgivings about getting too close to Carissa, she meant it.

  Chapter Nine

  Using the MiFi box Carissa had brought with her in case the house didn’t have an internet connection, Carissa spent the rest of the evening in her room on her computer, sourcing rugs and accessories online. The abrupt way Teal had ended their time in the pub still clouded her mind. What was it about Teal’s past that hurt so much? Carissa wasn’t blind. She could tell that Teal was holding something back. Not that she expected her to share her troubles with a complete stranger. But if Teal did have the need, Carissa hoped Teal knew that she was there for her. It made no difference to Carissa that they had only known each other for a day, and she hoped the familiarity they had established so far wouldn’t dissipate. That the remnants of it would still linger.

  Thoughts of Lara suddenly popped into her mind. Carissa still hadn’t replied to her email. Part of her didn’t want to but she knew Lara—she wouldn’t let up until she got what she wanted. So, as usual, Carissa gave in.

  Carissa clicked the folder where she kept Lara’s information on her computer’s desktop and retrieved the passwords. Opening Lara’s email, she clicked reply and attached the file. Before Carissa could be tempted into telling Lara what she thought of her, she clicked send and closed her computer down for the night.

  Pulling the covers snuggly over her body, Carissa curled up and listened to an audiobook on her headphones. If she didn’t have something to occupy her mind, she would be up all night. Carissa needed her sleep. After today’s near meltdown, she had to prove to Teal that she hadn’t made a mistake in hiring her. From now on, she would try and keep her personal problems to herself and be nothing but a true professional.

  Carissa had deliberately chosen a horror story. The last thing she needed to hear was a romance describing a couple madly in love. As much as she had once believed in that claptrap, she was wiser now. People only loved one another until they didn’t. She now knew this first hand. So no, from now on romance would be taking a back seat. Carissa was going to let her head rule her life from now on, not her heart. Her heart was too trusting. Too gullible. It was always people like her who got trodden on. It was as if she had ‘Doormat’ stamped on her forehead. And people like Lara, who had no shame, wiped their feet on her.

  The narrator’s voice rose an octave as he dramatically described a hideous monster chasing after the weakest member of the retreating group. Being the slowest, it captured her and dragged her screaming and wailing into the woods while her friends looked on with horror. That’s exactly what love is, Carissa concluded. A faceless monster that creeps up on you without any notice and bam, takes a hold of you and does unspeakable things to hurt you.

  The character in the book had been warned about the monster lurking nearby and she had chosen not to listen. But Carissa wasn’t a clueless character in a book. She had her full wits about her now and knew exactly what love was capable of. It wouldn’t have its wicked way with her again.

  From now on she was the captain of her ship, the ruler of her destiny. A destiny that didn’t include love. Sex? Most definitely. Love—no, never.

  And it was with that thought her lips curved in a contented smile and soon after she fell soundlessly asleep.

  ***

  It wasn’t the alarm that startled Carissa out of her sleep, it was the incessant banging of hammers and loud banter going on beneath her bedroom floor. At first Carissa had been disorientated, wondering what on earth her mother was up to and then she remembered where she was.

  Teal’s house.

  A smile crossed her lips. Nicole and her crew were going to be transforming the reception rooms today. The first steps to creating the picture she had in her mind’s eye would soon be reality. Excited about the day ahead, Carissa removed the headphones that had slid around her neck during the night, and rolled out of bed. By the time she’d had a shower and slipped on her favourite pair of blue jeans and a thin white knitted jumper, it was seven-fifteen. She gave her hair a quick brush, grabbed her bag with the plans in it and made her way downstairs.

  Midway down, her steps halted when she was suddenly met with a plume of grey dust that billowed from the living room. Then, as if someone in the room suddenly realised their mistake of not closing the door, it was abruptly slammed shut.

  As the cloud of dust dispersed, Teal’s form appeared in the hallway.

  Carissa covered her mouth with her hand and called out above the crashing sound of rubble hitting the floor. ‘Morning.’

 
Teal turned to her wearing a face mask. The skin around her eyes crinkled. ‘Morning,’ she called back in a muffled voice.

  Carissa took the next few steps down and walked halfway up the hallway until she felt a hand clamp on her shoulder.

  ‘It’s only me,’ Nicole said into her ear when Carissa gasped.

  Nicole’s lips grazed Carissa’s ear and Carissa spun around, acknowledging Nicole’s presence with a nod. She didn’t like the fact that Nicole felt it was okay to lay her hands on her as if they were old friends. And she especially didn’t like how close Nicole’s face had been. Maybe by being friendly the day before, Carissa had somehow encouraged Nicole’s advances, and now Nicole thought they could be more than just acquaintances. If that was the case, Nicole couldn’t have been more wrong.

  Teal raised her hand and signalled for Carissa to follow her outside, which she did so willingly.

  ‘Did the noise wake you?’ Teal asked, pulling the mask off her face and wiping her hand over her mouth.

  ‘Yeah, I thought they were starting work at eight.’

  ‘So did I, but it seems Nicole was extra eager to see you.’

  Carissa glanced over her shoulder to make sure Nicole was out of earshot before she groaned. ‘I really don’t need this.’

  ‘If you want, I can have a word with her.’

  Carissa considered it for a moment, before realising there wasn’t anything to say. Nicole was just being friendly at best, even if it was a little overbearing. ‘No need. If she gets too much I’ll tell her myself.’

  ‘If you’re sure. Look, are you okay staying here with all this building work going on? If I’d have known we were going to be knocking down walls I wouldn’t have asked you to come up yet.’

  ‘It’s fine. You weren’t to know what I was going to suggest. As long as they air out the place I’m sure we’ll survive.’

  ‘In that case.’ Teal dug her hand into her pocket and brought out a bunch of keys. ‘Are you ready to shop?’