Lost In You Page 7

  ‘How dare—’

  ‘No, how dare you! You’re paying us lip service and nothing more. You clearly don’t give a damn about this organisation and you only showed up as a publicity stunt.’

  ‘You have a loose mouth for someone who lives on the charity of others,’ Craig retorted, raising his voice. ‘Well, guess what? Your charity depends on rich men like me, sweetheart. I can have you on your knees begging just by flashing my wallet.’

  ‘Not likely,’ she said. ‘Not even if my life depended on it.’

  ‘I hope for your sake you have a cushy job lined up, because you and this place are done.’

  ‘Get the hell out of here.’

  Craig straightened and tugged down on his jacket with both hands. ‘Don’t you worry, I will.’ A vein throbbed in his forehead and his face turned scarlet as he glared at her, eyes bulging. ‘Fucking dyke. No wonder this place is struggling to stay in business. It’s run by a bunch of fags and rug munchers who wouldn’t know moral fibre if it strangled them.’

  Heidi’s body vibrated with rage. ‘Get out, you homophobic prick!’ she shouted after him as he ran down the stairs and stormed towards the entrance. He stopped abruptly in the doorway, gave her the finger and left.

  If Heidi thought she felt awful before, it was a hundred times worse now.

  Heidi brushed past her colleagues who had made their way into the hallway to see what the commotion was about, and raced to the ladies’ toilet. She wanted to punch something, to scream, but all she could do was try and get her breathing under control. The mirror, as wide as the wall, was impossible to ignore and she was faced with the cause of Young Minds’ unfortunate fate: her own reflection. She remained impassive staring sorrowfully at herself. She was so disappointed for losing it the way she had. No, it was worse than that. She was horrified. All she wanted was to rewind the last twenty minutes and start all over again. For the exchange to never have happened. She stood there for several minutes and contemplated what to do next. The thought of falling into a massive black hole and disappearing was the most appealing idea. She couldn’t remain holed up in the toilets forever. The coward in her wanted to sneak down the hallway and out of the building, but it wasn’t in her nature to run away. She liked to face things head on. And that’s your problem.

  ‘Well go on then, big mouth,’ she said to her reflection, noting that she looked like a deer caught in headlights. ‘Time to face the music.’

  Heidi was unbearably tense when she walked into the conference room. The dreary, grim atmosphere could be cut with a blunt knife. Her colleagues sat in an awkward silence. Faces sank as they all looked down in defeat. No one would meet her gaze.

  It was obvious to everyone what she had done and, like her, they knew it was game over.

  Chapter Twelve

  After Vanessa dropped Kelli at the house, she went straight to the office. Selfishly, she needed a break from her. Once again, she wasn’t home as Kelli kept reminding her, but she was at the end of her tether with Kelli’s hostile behaviour. At least at work she could clear her mind of the hurtful words Kelli had hurled at her. First Heidi Cross, now Kelli. Vanessa was starting to feel like an emotional punch bag for anyone who didn’t get their way.

  She passed by Craig’s office and was surprised the door was closed. Something must be wrong. Craig never closes his door. He liked watching what was going on in the reception area and listening to office chatter. He was an extrovert through and through, and couldn’t take a piss without an entourage. Only two things could have caused a closed door today: a secretary on her knees under his desk or a catastrophic blow to his day. Either way, Vanessa wanted to get an update about his visit to the centre.

  She strode past his secretary and knocked on the door. ‘Craig?’

  ‘Come in if you have to,’ he grunted in a muffled reply.

  She opened the door and found Craig sat at his desk, shirt open to his sternum, drinking a large tumbler of dark liquid.

  ‘Thirsty?’ she asked.

  ‘What’s it got to do with you.’ His words were less aggressive and more a sincere request for her to get off his back.

  In no mood for the antics of a man-child, she got straight to the point. ‘Did you go to the centre?’

  Craig knocked back the last of his drink, grabbed the bottle and poured another.

  ‘Easy,’ she cautioned. ‘You won’t be able to get home at this rate.’

  ‘What are you, my keeper?’ he snapped, sitting back in his leather chair.

  ‘Forget I said anything. Tell me what happened at the centre and I’ll get out of your hair.’

  Craig wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘I had the misfortune of meeting the slut that manages the place, that’s what happened.’

  Vanessa shook her head resenting being baited. ‘Slut? Really?’

  Craig looked unfazed. ‘You have no idea what she’s like. She practically sucked me off in the conference room.’

  Does he actually think anyone believes the shit he makes up? ‘But other than that, everything went okay?’

  ‘I showed up didn’t I?’

  ‘That’s the main thing.’ Vanessa raised her eyebrows. ‘I take it you still want to evict them?’

  ‘You’re damn right I do.’ Craig pushed himself out of his seat and walked to the window. ‘That woman has no business having any kind of influence over young, vulnerable minds.’

  ‘Well, that’s not our problem. I’ve got enough on my plate,’ Vanessa said, retreating under Craig’s judgemental gaze.

  For the first time ever, Vanessa sat in her office and work wasn’t on her agenda. Kelli was. An odd kind of detachment emerged as she relived their earlier clash. As if the hate and bitterness were directed at someone else—someone who deserved them. Kelli’s harsh words led to so many questions, each of them begging an answer. But answers were something Vanessa didn’t have access to. She only had the mental torment from each demon that gnawed at her.

  Why does Kelli hate me? Why didn’t Lauren call me that night? What made Lauren leave Kelli behind? More importantly, where was I when my sister needed me?

  Vanessa reflected. It seems I’m never there for anyone. Not really. Not family and definitely not for the women she’d had casual, meaningless sex with. She could barely remember their faces. Each encounter had left her with a dark void until it reached a point where she gave up trying to connect with anyone. It was quite telling that Vanessa couldn’t even own a pet; that’s how messed up she was about commitment. And yet Lauren thought I’d be able to look after Kelli.

  Her thoughts drove her deeper into a guilt-induced spiral. Suddenly Vanessa thought back to when she’d last seen Heidi. A vision of her face flashed up in Vanessa’s mind. The pleading in her eyes as she tried to reach out to her, asking for help. And what did I do? Turned my back on her. How much courage did it take for her to come and see me?

  She needed to apologise. To hear her voice. Without further thought Vanessa dialled the number for the centre. When Heidi answered she almost stuttered but managed to keep her voice level. ‘Heidi?’

  ‘Who’s this?’

  ‘Vanessa … O’Neil.’

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘To talk.’

  ‘About?

  Silence. What do I want to talk about? Seeing her again? What can I offer her? ‘The other day when—’

  ‘Is this some kind of sick game you and your brother play? Trying to see who can be the most insufferable?’

  ‘Heidi.’ Just saying her name made Vanessa feel flustered. ‘If Craig—’

  ‘I’d rather not think about him—or you for that matter.’

  I knew that bastard had been up to no good. Vanessa should have known better than to send Craig to the centre. She picked up a pen and scribbled absent-mindedly on a note pad. I don’t even want to think about what he must have done to upset her.

  Sensing Heidi’s intention to hang up Vanessa said quickly, ‘What do you want me to say?’
>
  ‘How about you apologise for not showing today and for sending that brute of a brother instead—’

  ‘I know what you must think—’

  ‘What? That your parents must be disappointed having both an insensitive daughter and a horrible son?’

  ‘No, that you think I intentionally bailed on you today.’

  ‘Are you saying you didn’t?’

  ‘I had a family emergency. If I say I’m going to do something I do it.’

  ‘Just not in this case.’ Heidi blew out a controlled breath. ‘Look, it’s been a long day—’

  ‘I get that my brother’s visit wasn’t a pleasant one—’

  ‘That’s an understatement.’

  Vanessa gripped her phone tighter. ‘And I feel really bad about it.’

  ‘Not as bad as me.’

  ‘I want to make amends.’ Where am I going with this? Vanessa didn’t like to feel unsure about anything—until now. Being in uncharted waters with Heidi felt almost liberating.

  Vanessa remembered the way Heidi’s gaze had flickered between her mouth and eyes, almost as if she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to kiss Vanessa or simply lose herself in her gaze. At least she did before she lost it. An unstoppable force of desire invaded Vanessa’s body. A tidal wave of excitement spread slowly throughout at the thought of … Don’t do it, don’t think of her like that, a voice in the back of her mind screamed for attention, but it was too late. Vanessa’s mouth opened and the words flowed out. ‘I’ll drop by in the morning.’

  ‘Is there any point?’

  A soft inhale. ‘I don’t know, Heidi. That’s up to you to decide.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  Kelli stood across the road from the Young Minds Centre, pretending to be talking on her mobile phone, but discreetly watching several people around her age enter and leave the building. She almost panicked when a woman with red hair appeared at the window on the first floor. Kelli doubted she could see her, but she couldn’t be too careful. It was then that the familiar roar of Vanessa’s car became audible. She was on time for her meeting with the manager of the centre. Kelli had overheard her talking on the phone to her secretary earlier and she’d felt compelled to come along and watch from a distance.

  Ignoring the rain that had started to fall, she quickly ducked for cover behind the trunk of a thick oak tree, conveniently situated at the edge of the pavement. She pressed her body flat against the rough bark and didn’t dare move for fear of drawing attention to herself. From her vantage point, she could see Vanessa’s every move.

  Vanessa’s car came to a halt down an alleyway at the side of the building. Through the back window, Kelli could see her fixing her make-up in the rear-view mirror before exiting her car. Her shoulder-length hair was immaculate, as were her clothes. If there was one thing Kelli wanted that Vanessa had, it was her confidence. The woman had bucket loads of it. You could tell by the way she walked with her head held high and her back straight as a rod.

  Within a minute, she had disappeared through the open door of the building. Kelli kicked the ground. Now what do I do? She didn’t even know why she was there. Yes, you do. Admit it. Her skin crawled as if an army of ants were marching through her veins. ‘Never,’ she mumbled underneath her breath. She felt like an impatient horse, frustrated at being held up in the stalls before a big race.

  Rubbing the back of her neck, she paced the pavement. Is there any point hanging around?

  Knowing Vanessa, she’d be in there for ages, trying to give off the impression she was one of the good guys and there to help.

  That was one of the many things that annoyed Kelli about Vanessa. She had all the time in the world when it came to business, but Kelli was always last in line. It angered her to know Vanessa cared more about her precious car than her own niece.

  Kelli walked past the alley where Vanessa’s car was parked, its black hood gleaming in the sun. She halted and retraced her steps. I’ll show her. She strode down the alleyway, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching. When she was sure the coast was clear, Kelli took a penknife from her rucksack, moved to the front of the car and knelt down. In one swift movement, she stabbed at the tyre but the rubber was too tough to penetrate. Kelli kept stabbing it again and again with the force of hatred guiding her. A perverse sense of satisfaction hit her when the air spluttered from the tyre and it slowly flattened to the ground. Inching her way around to the other three tyres, she slashed and stabbed until she was spent. A slow smile crept across her lips as she pictured Vanessa’s face when she saw the damage done to her precious car.

  It’s a shame my pain isn’t as visible.

  Kelli stood and walked back towards the street, her head tucked against her chest. The black hoody and jeans she wore were nondescript, so even if someone saw her leaving the area there was little chance of them describing her face. That was until she found herself shoulder-to-shoulder with another body. The collision knocked her sideways. She was now facing the woman who she’d bumped into.

  ‘Hey, be careful,’ the woman said.

  Instinctively, Kelli looked up into the face of a woman who seemed a couple of years older than her. She had dark curly hair and blue eyes so deep you could drown in them.

  ‘Sorry,’ Kelli mumbled.

  The woman wiped the rain from her forehead with the back of her hand. ‘What’s the matter? Scared of a bit of rain?’

  She reached over and took Kelli’s forearm loosely in her hand. Kelli shrugged it off roughly. She was a bundle of nerves and her muscles were twitchy. Vanessa could appear at any second or see her through a window of the centre. The last thing she needed was this stranger holding her up.

  ‘What the fuck? Don’t touch me.’

  The woman laughed and jerked her head towards the building. ‘Easy. I volunteer at the centre.’

  ‘And?’ Kelli’s face flushed hot.

  She works at the centre. Does that mean she’s …?

  ‘And … I saw you hiding behind the tree.’ Her body language was open and easy.

  ‘Well if you saw me, I couldn’t have been hiding, could I?’ The raw aggressiveness in Kelli’s voice rang in her ears.

  ‘In that case, you must be one of those new-age tree-huggers,’ she said suppressing a grin. ‘With you pressing up against it so hard, it was difficult to tell what you were doing.’

  Kelli took a threatening step towards her and the woman shuffled backwards, holding her hands up in mock surrender. ‘I’m kidding. You know, joking? You do know what a joke is, right?’

  Kelli pulled a face. ‘Do I look like I’m laughing?’

  ‘No. You look troubled. It’s a look I recognise.’ The woman gave her a sympathetic smile that made Kelli’s eyes sting. ‘Look, if you ever want to talk, come and see me. My name’s Christina.’

  Christina stretched out her hand. Kelli looked down and ignored it. She carried on despite Kelli’s slight. ‘You can ask for me at reception and we can go for a coffee or a walk if you prefer.’

  Kelli’s mouth was dry and her heartbeat pounded against her ribcage. ‘What the hell makes you think I have anything to say to you?’

  Christina shrugged. ‘Maybe I’m wrong but if I’m right, the offer stands. I’m at the centre Monday to Wednesday.’

  Christina turned and walked towards the building. Kelli wanted to call her back but the words wouldn’t come out. Every nerve ending in her body buzzed as she broke into a trot and headed in the opposite direction.

  Christina. She committed the name to memory—just in case.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Heidi couldn’t ignore the rush of adrenaline pumping through her veins. She tried to convince herself it was to do with the pressure of saving the centre and not that Vanessa was due any minute.

  ‘So after yesterday’s catastrophe, you’re actually inviting another O’Neil to the office?’ Simone sat on the edge of Heidi’s desk, sipping a cup of tea.

  ‘I wasn’t about to turn her down.
Not after the spectacle with her brother.’

  The dark clouds finally opened and the rain arrived. It came down hard but Heidi liked it. Cool air drifted through the window and gently caressed her face.

  ‘I wonder if she’ll still come in this downpour,’ Simone said, eyeing outside with disdain.

  Heidi rose from her chair and walked over to the window. She gazed out in anticipation of Vanessa’s arrival. Across the street, she could just about make out a figure standing behind the old oak tree and hoped, for their sake, no lightning struck.

  Turning away from the window, Heidi glanced over at Simone. ‘Don’t you have work to do?’ she teased. Although it was said in jest, Heidi urgently wanted her to leave so she could apply some make-up.

  ‘I have a new client,’ Simone said. ‘But is there any point, since we don’t know whether we’ll even be around in a few weeks?’

  ‘Of course there is. The music plays on until the very end,’ Heidi said, the image of the stoic band members from Titanic popping into her mind.

  ‘Okay, I’ll leave you to prepare yourself for the arrival of Ms O’Neil. That’s if she can be bothered to show up,’ she said rolling her eyes.

  Simone gently closed the door as she left Heidi’s office which, after having been tidied the day before, was now almost back to its original mess.

  After giving her cheeks a smudge of blusher and applying a faint layer of red, Heidi strolled towards the stairs that overlooked the entrance. Upon hearing the sound of rain pounding the pavement outside, Heidi absent-mindedly hummed Singing in the Rain. Imagining Gene Kelly tap-dancing, she soon followed suit with a few off kilter moves of her own.

  ‘A woman of many talents I see.’

  Shock winded Heidi. Her legs froze beneath her. She turned her head and came face-to-face with her real-life fantasy. She shivered as if a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown over her. ‘Vanessa!’