No Other Love Read online

  Noooooooooo, Amber’s head shouted at full volume. Yessssssssss, Amber’s heart whispered softly into her ear.

  Why the hell was life so cruel? What had she done to deserve having the woman who she knew was capable of breaking her heart again back in her life? It was as if the universe was playing some kind of sick joke on her. The only thing was, Amber didn’t find the situation funny. Not in the slightest. She had managed to survive this long protecting her heart, so she wasn’t about to let down her guard and allow Sophie to trample all over it again. It was with this train of thought she refused to respond to Sophie’s last comment. Instead, steering the conversation back on track with what had caused her unexpected appearance.

  ‘So what was it you wanted to talk about?’

  Sophie slipped onto one of the seats by the dining table and for a moment, Amber couldn’t help but wish what was taking place wasn’t doing so under such awkward circumstances. That she could have returned to their village, and their unexpected encounter had been one filled with the kind of happiness you got when seeing an old friend.

  Sophie bowed her head briefly, before looking up and holding Amber’s gaze for a lot longer than felt comfortable. ‘I wanted to talk about what happened between us…’

  The click of the kettle coming to the boil distracted Amber for a moment, then she rattled the spoon in the jar and moments later two white coffees, no sugar, were ready.

  ‘What happened between us?’ Amber repeated for no other reason than to give herself time. She wasn’t ready for this.

  Despite her calm exterior, other than a slight shake in her hands that threatened to slop coffee over the tiled floor, inside her emotions were like a rollercoaster. Just thinking about the day they kissed triggered her and she reverted back to that awkward teenager who had zero control over her feelings.

  ‘Yes. I figure I owe you an apology for acting the way I did when I knew that you had feelings for me.’

  Sophie took the coffee Amber held out without looking at her.

  ‘Feelings?’ Amber said, unable to stop herself feigning ignorance of the day that changed her life forever. ‘We kissed once, Sophie, and that was it. It was just two teenagers experimenting. Forget about it. I have. I’ve got a boyfriend now, back home… and we’re engaged.’

  Where the hell did that come from? Amber burnt her mouth with a gulp of hot coffee. Why the fuck did I say that?

  Chapter Nine

  Sophie’s mouth opened but no sound came out. When she finally found her voice seconds later, the words were forced. ‘So, he’s your fiancé?’

  ‘My what?’ Amber looked at her, frowning.

  ‘He’s your fiancé if you’re engaged, not your boyfriend.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Amber said, turning away to spoon another sugar into her coffee. ‘We’ve only recently got engaged so it takes some getting used to referring to him that way.’

  ‘Well congratulations, I’m happy for you,’ Sophie said though her heart felt as if Amber had dragged it out of her chest and squeezed the life out of it. She had never known such misery to consume her. Not even breaking up with Alison hurt this much. This felt so much deeper. As if the pain of Amber being with someone else had somehow affected her soul. Her very being.

  ‘How long have you been together?’ Sophie didn’t know what she had to gain by mining Amber for information about her love life, but like Lee had always said, Sophie was a glutton for punishment.

  ‘About two years.’

  ‘Nice.’ Sophie took another sip of her coffee. The caffeine making her mind even more manic than it would have been under the circumstances. She needed to find a way to make a quick exit without it being too obvious she was upset.

  She inhaled and let out a soft sigh. Was she losing her mind? What was she upset about? It wasn’t as if they were in a relationship, or ever had been. They were old school friends. Even calling them friends was pushing it a bit far. They’d shared a kiss and that was it. What right did she have to be upset about anything to do with Amber?

  Although Sophie’s mind tried to make sense of her emotions and temper them, her heart knew exactly why she felt the way she did. Love never died, even in times of separation. The flames may ebb and flow, but the fire always remains burning. As was the case with her feelings for Amber.

  Long before that first kiss, Sophie had felt something that she’d never felt before in her short existence. It was something she had never experienced since. A feeling so strong and complex that even she’d had a hard time understanding what it was. And though she thought it would pass, it never did.

  Meeting Amber again only reinforced the knowledge that it never would. Whether or not their reconnection was going to be fleeting, it didn’t matter. How she felt had no sense of time, the distance between them would not diminish.

  Sophie exhaled discreetly to release the emerging anxiety bubbling inside. It was a mistake coming here. What did she think Amber was going to do, embrace her with open arms and brush off the insensitive manner in which she’d dealt with the whole situation? Yes, she’d been a teenager, but that had been no excuse to be cruel. And that much she would admit.

  ‘So what about you?’ Amber said taking a seat opposite.

  ‘What about me?’ Sophie diverted her eyes to hide the irrational, emotional pain she was experiencing. All she wanted to do now was get out of there. Not exchange pleasantries. It was complete torture being in the same space as someone she just wanted to reach over and kiss. Pretty much like she had ten years ago. Only this time, she didn’t think it would be appreciated.

  ‘You seeing someone?’

  ‘Yeah, well no… we recently broke up.’

  ‘Oh, sorry to hear that. Was it a long-term relationship?’

  ‘Five years.’

  ‘His loss,’ Amber said with genuine sympathy.

  Sophie was about to correct her but didn’t see the point. What did it matter if Amber thought Sophie was straight? The main thing was that Amber was in a committed relationship with a man. She’ll probably end up pregnant soon, then move into a house in the suburbs where she’ll have even more kids. And me? I’ll be nothing more than a distant memory.

  The more Sophie dwelt on Amber’s imaginary future without her, the heavier her heart grew.

  ‘Yeah, but to be fair I was probably as much to blame,’ Sophie said non-committally while she tried to think of a way to make an excuse to leave.

  ‘At least you’re honest,’ Amber said, blowing on her drink.

  No, that’s the last thing I am, Sophie wanted to say out loud. If I was honest, I would tell you how I really felt about you.

  Instead, she said nothing. The silence extending between them as if Amber was still an ocean away.

  ‘I take it you’ve heard there’s a school reunion coming up,’ Sophie said, hoping a neutral topic might provoke a response that might get the conversation flowing again.

  ‘Yeah, are you going?’

  ‘I don’t have a choice.’

  ‘Everyone has a choice, Sophie.’ Either Sophie was imagining it, or there was intent behind Amber’s comment. Sophie concluded that she must be overthinking things at Amber’s neutral expression.

  Cool your jets girl!

  ‘Trust me, when you’ve got Helen Worth breathing down your neck, you really don’t have a choice.’

  ‘You never struck me as the sort of person who took orders from someone. In fact, if I remember clearly, you were a bit of a rebel.’

  Sophie laughed at this. ‘Hardly. I was just a confused kid trying not to show how vulnerable I really felt.’

  ‘Well you had me fooled.’

  ‘Believe it or not, that wasn’t my intention,’ Sophie said, hoping her comment would open the way for her to explain her behaviour after their kiss, even if Amber hadn’t been bothered by it.

  Sophie felt the need to explain because even after the many years that had passed, she still felt guilty about it. At the time she simply didn’t have the maturity level t
o deal with her feelings. Her parents’ sudden announcement that they were getting divorced hadn’t helped matters. The once safe life she’d known had come crumbling down in a matter of days. Her mother had taken the split so badly, social services had deemed her unfit to care for Sophie, and Sophie had no choice but to move in with her dad. That decision still hurt as if it was yesterday. Leaving her mother had been the hardest thing to do, as had leaving Amber behind.

  ‘Well thank God it’s all in the past now,’ Amber said, ‘and we’re all grown up, so we don’t have to keep reliving it.’

  If only that was the case.

  Sophie hesitated for a couple of seconds while she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. Even after all these years, it still got to her when she thought about what her mum went through.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  Sophie nodded but couldn’t speak for a moment or two until she’d regained her self-control. She swallowed hard and took a mouthful of coffee which seemed to do the trick. Without warning, Amber’s warm hand covered her own.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Amber said. ‘You look very pale suddenly.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Sophie replied, lifting her eyes and offering a ghost of a smile.

  ‘So, tell me about this reunion and Helen then,’ Amber said suddenly changing the tone of the conversation to a more neutral one, for which Sophie was grateful.

  ‘Ah yes, the reunion and Worthy Worth. I don’t know how much you remember about her…’

  ‘Not very much. I was never part of the cool gang…’

  ‘Trust me, you didn’t miss out on anything,’ Sophie said. ‘Anyway, back at school, Helen was the girl into climate and feminism and all that? She chained herself naked to the school gate in protest of students not being able to have a choice of vegan food on the school menu. Come on, you must remember her?’

  ‘Oh my God yes, how could I forget?’ Amber said while laughing at the memory. ‘Ooh, come on, spill it. Is she a hippy now, or one of those Extinction thingamabob type people?’

  ‘Ha, no, she’s the perfect suburban housewife. You know, two perfect children called Henry and Henrietta, a great big gas guzzler and a nice house up in the hills around the town. Her husband’s something big in a law practice.’

  ‘Sounds like she did well for herself. Good on her.’

  ‘Yeah, she’s all right. As a matter of fact, Helen was the one that asked me to come round and see you.’

  ‘Really? Why?’

  ‘She’s organising the reunion and wanted me to find out if you were coming as she hadn’t heard from you.’

  Amber’s face turned serious. ‘She barely knew I existed at school. Why would she care if I turned up to some stupid reunion?’

  ‘I don’t know. I was surprised to see her myself. It’s not like we kept in touch over the years. Anyway, it’s irrelevant of the whys… are you gonna come?’

  ‘I doubt it.’ Amber shook her head slowly. ‘It’s not as if school was the highlight of my life.’

  ‘Look, I’ll be absolutely straight with you, Amber. When I left school, it wasn’t the best part of my life either and I was dead set against going back as well. But you know what? I thought – fuck it. Shit happens in life and there’s no point running away from all the bad stuff. I’m sure school wasn’t all bad for you?’

  Amber looked skeptical.

  ‘Come on,’ Sophie pressed. ‘You must have had one good day.’

  ‘Suppose.’

  ‘Well there you go. Focus on that instead of all the crap you hated. Besides, look at you now,’ Sophie said before she could stop herself. ‘You’re amazing. Not that you weren’t back then…’

  And that was the truth. Sophie thought Amber was the most beautiful girl she’d ever laid her eyes on. Despite her obvious awkwardness, Sophie had seen something in Amber that attracted her like a moth to a flame. She still had the same effect on her now.

  Amber perked up a little and nodded.

  ‘If that’s not enough to persuade you, do it as a favour for me. I’m not sure I could face them all alone. Especially if they start talking about their kids, I wouldn’t have a clue what to say to them.’

  ‘So you want me to come with you for moral support?’

  Encouraged by Amber’s response, Sophie nodded eagerly. ‘I’d really appreciate it if you could, and it would give us both a chance to catch up a little bit more too.’

  Silence.

  ‘Please, Amber. If you don’t, Helen said she’d set me up with Octopus Pete as my date, and I don’t think I could fight off his eight arms all at once.’

  Amber laughed. ‘Now he’s someone I do remember. He always was a bit grabby, wasn’t he?’

  ‘Yeah, he was.’ Sophie stared into Amber’s eyes pleadingly. ‘Please?’

  Amber stared disconcertedly at Sophie for a few seconds, but Sophie steeled herself and kept up the eye contact.

  ‘I can’t believe I’ve let you talk me into this.’

  ‘Fantastic!’ Sophie pushed herself to her feet. ‘I’d better go now before you change your mind.’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ Amber said, sounding as if she meant it. It was a far cry from her demeanour when Sophie had first arrived. Maybe they could be friends even if it was only for the duration of Amber’s stay.

  ‘I know but your mum and dad will be back soon, won’t they?’

  Amber checked the time on her phone. ‘I guess so.’

  ‘So, I’ll go and leave you in peace. Thanks for changing your mind. You’ll be a much better date than Octopus Pete.’

  Amber laughed. ‘Well, I’m glad I’d be better than him at least.’

  After a quick ‘goodnight’, Sophie jumped into her car and made her way home. Although her plan had been blown out of the water by Amber’s disclosure about a fiancé, she was happy that she got to spend a little more ‘friend’ time with her.

  If that was all that was on offer, then it was better than nothing… and it meant no grappling with Octopus Pete.

  Bonus.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘You’re looking pensive, Amber. Anything wrong?’

  Amber dropped the cotton wool pad she’d been cleansing her face with onto the dining room table and sighed, spinning the makeup mirror she was using on its stand so she wouldn’t have to look at herself.

  ‘What’s up? You can tell your old dad.’

  ‘Less of the old,’ Amber said, then turned to look at her dad who was sitting in a recliner with his feet up, watching horse racing on the TV.

  ‘Aren’t I supposed to be the one who says that?’ He picked up the control and muted the sound.

  ‘Yes, but you know what I mean. You’re not old. You’re only fifty-six.’

  ‘Err, excuse me, young lady, but I’m only fifty-five… for another couple of months anyway.’

  Amber smiled wanly. ‘It was near enough.’

  ‘It was. I won’t lie, I feel more like I’m sixty-five at the minute. All this sitting around resting all day makes me tired.’

  ‘Doctor’s orders.’

  ‘Bugger the doctors, I’m more afraid of what your mother would do to me if I did anything too energetic.’

  Amber laughed. Her mother was indomitable but there were times when she could be… somewhat insistent was the kindest way Amber could have described her to anyone who didn’t know her.

  ‘So, come on then. What’s with the long face and the sighing. I’m trying to watch paint dry on the telly and it’s like having some Sunday evening period drama going on in one ear.’ He looked up through slightly too bushy eyebrows at her with a grin on his face. ‘I’m half expecting you to put the back of your hand to your forehead and swoon dramatically in a minute.’

  Amber put the back of her hand to her forehead and swooned.

  Joseph let out a short laugh.

  ‘Come on, what’s up, kiddo? Is it love life or work life? Work life I could probably help, but love life? Well, I’ll try but I’m just a bloke, so what do I k
now?’

  ‘Ha-ha. Funny, Dad. I know you love Mum.’

  Joseph grinned, then his face turned serious for a moment. He nodded. ‘I do. Truth is, I’d be lost without her, and I love her as much now as I did the first time we met.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really. You sound surprised.’

  ‘Love at first sight and all that stuff?’

  Amber remembered back to the first time she met Sophie and knew it was a real phenomenon.

  Amber dropped her eyes to her lap, thoughts of the stolen kiss she and Sophie had shared. The yearning and longing she’d had for her ever since. As if a part of her soul was missing. Though she was well aware that most of the people she knew seemed to believe they met their soul mates with every new relationship they started, but Amber didn’t think that was the case. For her, with every beat of her heart, it was a once in a lifetime experience. You got one other half that completed you. Not five, six or ten. What she didn’t believe though was that finding your soulmate meant you both sailed off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. If that had been the case, she wouldn’t have been living halfway across the world while Sophie lived in the UK.

  To Amber, the connection was both a blessing and a curse. The invisible force that bound her to Sophie, whether she realised it or not, felt like one that had connected them for an eternity. And that’s what was so hard to deal with. The lack of union. Even if they’d never met, Amber would have known a part of her was missing.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never felt that way about anyone?’

  Amber nodded slowly.

  ‘And is that what’s bothering you?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘So, what is it?’

  ‘It’s this reunion, Dad. I hated school.’

  ‘I know you did.’

  Amber was quiet for a moment. ‘You still made me go.’

  ‘I know. Me and your mum talked about home schooling, but would you really want your mum as your teacher?’

  Amber smiled at that thought. ‘No, I don’t think that would have worked.’

  ‘Exactly. Look at what you learnt at school, especially as you got older. You learnt far more about who you were as a person in that environment than you ever would have stuck here with two old fogeys trying to teach you. You learnt that you didn’t want to be that odd one out. You learnt that you needed something more than life in a little sleepy village where nothing happens. I know you hated it, but that was part of the reason why sometimes you have to do things you hate, because it teaches you about what you do want to do.’