Second Thoughts Read online

“She is.” Make an excuse and leave. Get away from her, run if you have to. She’s trouble. Though her mind was being dictatorial, barking commands, her feet disobediently remained glued to the spot.

  “So how long are you back for?”

  “Depends.”

  “On what?”

  Sara took a step closer and leaned towards her ear. “On you.” Her voice was little more than a whisper.

  “On me?” Melissa took a step back and rubbed her neck. The gesture was so intimate; Melissa had to steel herself against falling into her arms. Please somebody come and rescue me.

  “Come on, Melissa,” she heard Justine calling over the music. “The entertainment is here!”

  Melissa wanted to drop to her knees and thank God for the intervention, that was until she noticed a woman walking towards them wearing only a thong and nipple tassels – a whip in her hand.

  Sara looked towards the woman and laughed. “I’ll catch up with you later. Looks like you’ve got company.”

  Melissa watched as she strode back to the table. She didn’t know who she feared most: the stripper or Sara.

  Chapter Ten

  The night passed quickly with Melissa feeling relieved when she glanced at her watch and realised it was past midnight. As luck would have it she had managed to avoid being alone with Sara, thanks to Faye monopolising her all night.

  Anxiety had plagued her all evening as she’d kept track of Sara’s every move. When Sara had disappeared from view on a couple of occasions, Melissa’s heart had been in her mouth, her stomach turning, wondering where she’d gone, only to relax again when she reappeared.

  From her chair in the corner, she could see Sara and Faye sitting on stools, facing one another. Melissa’s eyes moved from one face to the other as if she were watching an intense game of tennis. She wished she had supersonic hearing so she knew what they were talking about.

  Eli came to sit beside her, looping her arm loosely through Melissa’s. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed a bit deflated all evening.”

  “Have I?” Melissa asked genuinely surprised. She thought she’d managed to pull off the happy bride-to-be, what with the stripper and numerous party games she had participated in with vigour.

  “Not that it’s anything noticeable,” Eli added quickly, before covering her mouth when she hiccupped.

  “Hmm, maybe I’m just missing Bettina,” her voice broke miserably.

  “Yes, maybe.”

  She turned to Eli and stifled a yawn. “I think I’m ready to crash.”

  Eli’s glazed eyes looked back at her with relief. “Oh thank God for that. I didn’t know how much longer I could have carried on. I haven’t felt this tipsy in years.”

  Melissa laughed. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  “I didn’t want to spoil your night.”

  “Come on let’s go. I’ll just go and say goodbye to Faye and–” the word stuck in her throat. “Sara.”

  “Okay, I’ll get our jackets.”

  Melissa stood and walked over to where Sara and Faye were still in deep conversation, her feet moving like they were stuck in mud.

  “We’re going to make a move.” Melissa directed her attention to Faye. She could feel Sara’s stare penetrate her invisible shield.

  Faye’s eyes widened. “Already?”

  Melissa nodded. “Eli’s tired. I want to make sure she gets home okay.”

  “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” Melissa leaned over and hugged Faye before turning to Sara. “It was good to see you again.”

  Sara leaned in to kiss her cheek. “You too. Hopefully we can meet up soon.”

  The sharp scent of her familiar perfume intoxicated Melissa’s senses. “Maybe.”

  Unable to stand the closeness any longer, Melissa turned and walked to the exit, the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. She couldn’t afford to let anything come between the life she was building with Bettina. Not even Sara – the woman she still loved.

  Chapter Eleven

  Melissa waved goodbye to Eli from the back of the cab as it slowly drew away from the curb and down the tree-lined street. She wrapped her arms around herself despite the hot air blowing from the heater at the front of the car. She wanted nothing more than the driver to keep on driving until she had untangled the mess in her mind. In times of crisis Melissa had always turned to Bettina, even when they were only flatmates. But how could she explain this one to her? All too soon the cab pulled up outside her house. Reluctantly she let herself in and headed straight to the bedroom. Undressing quickly in the dark, she used her hands to guide herself along the wall towards the bed, trying not to wake Bettina as she slipped underneath the quilt.

  “How’d it go?” Bettina asked in a sleep-laden voice, as she draped her arm around Melissa’s waist and snuggled her body against her back.

  Melissa stiffened slightly. “It was good.”

  “Just good?”

  She cleared her throat. “As good as loud music and knocking back shots can be.”

  “You must be getting old.”

  “Not old. More like sensible.”

  Melissa’s heart was actually aching. Maybe she should have watched TV before going to bed – she needed to fill her mind with something other than images of Sara.

  “Was it a good crowd?” Bettina asked, her voice more awake now.

  Melissa feigned a yawn. “Uh huh. Faye is such a sly old boots. She’d contacted loads of people on Facebook from my uni.”

  “Yeah I know. Eli mentioned something about it. That must have been interesting.”

  Melissa gave Bettina’s hand a squeeze then turned onto her stomach. “Hmm you could say that. Anyway I’m knackered. I’ll tell you all about it in the morning. Night.” She curled her body into a tight ball.

  “Night, darling. I love you.”

  “You too,” Melissa replied, her voice catching in her throat.

  She felt as if she was caught in the middle of a tornado, where everything was out of her control. Tears stung the back of her eyes as she lay staring out into the darkness. She couldn’t believe Sara had come back into her life at a time when everything was finally starting to make sense. As she thought of Sara, she felt the customary tightening in her stomach and for a moment she was that young naive woman again. The one who had believed love could conquer all. Why couldn’t Sara have stayed where she was? Why... did we have to break up in the first place?

  Chapter Twelve

  Four years earlier

  Melissa wrapped a thick, cotton towel around her slender body, tucking the corner under her arm. She almost skipped down the narrow hallway to the shower. She had never been so happy in her life. Sara would be home in half an hour and she could barely contain herself. Although they had been living together for over two years, she still got excited when she heard Sara’s key in the door.

  Swinging the shower screen wide open, she flinched at the sound of the glass slamming against the tiled wall. She had been meaning to talk to the landlord about fitting a rubber stopper of some sort; she was convinced the door was going to smash one of these days. She unfurled her towel, folded it, and placed it on the toilet seat. Reaching for the shower unit, she spun the dial to the hottest temperature before pulling the knob. The showerhead sputtered and hissed, then a strong stream of hot water burst free and slammed against the opposite wall.

  Stepping in, she stood under the showerhead and closed her eyes; the feel of the water caressing her body had her sighing in pleasure. She reached up for the bottle of body wash and squeezed a dollop into her palm. Rubbing her hands together briskly, she worked the soap into a lather before massaging it across her torso.

  “Do you want some help with that?”

  Melissa jumped at the voice. Spinning around she grinned at Sara, standing naked, an Aphrodite in the flesh, behind the glass door.

  Melissa raised her eyebrows. “Well seeing as you’re dressed for the occasion I could do with a whole body wash and...�
�� She let the words trail off, her eyes doing the talking.

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” Sara flashed a big smile as her eyes grazed over Melissa’s naked and wet body. A quiver of excitement rippled through her as Sara opened the door and stepped in.

  “Don’t be a water hog.” Sara eased her back toward the wall with one hand.

  A flash of metal glinted in the corner of Melissa’s eye and she quickly glanced down to see what it was. Sara swiftly tucked her hand further up her back.

  “What have you got there?” Melissa said trying to peek over Sara’s shoulder.

  “Where?” Sara asked smiling.

  Melissa drew Sara’s face closer, licking the outline of her lips with the tip of her tongue. “Behind your back.” She stepped up close, pressing her chest against Sara’s, as she snaked her arms behind Sara’s head and pulled her in for a kiss. Pressing hard, her tongue forced its way between Sara’s soft lips, probing the recess of her mouth. Sara responded in kind as she wedged her slippery leg between Melissa’s, grinding her hip against her centre.

  Melissa’s hand slid down Sara’s neck and traced the line of her spine with her fingertips, the feel of her naked skin beneath her fingers sending shock waves to the core of her being.

  Lowering her hand further, Melissa found the hidden secret and wrapped her fingers around it. Suddenly breaking contact, she pulled the metal handcuffs from Sara’s grasp.

  Melissa frowned. “Handcuffs?”

  Sara’s face lit up with a mischievous grin. “I thought we could spice things up a bit.”

  With the handcuffs dangling from her hand, Melissa shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

  Sara pressed against her. “Yes, it’s what I want.”

  Melissa’s chest rose and fell as her whole body tingled in anticipation. Her senses throbbed from her nipples right down to her clit. She could feel the moisture at the crux of her thighs. “Do what you want.”

  Sara took the handcuffs from Melissa’s grip. Placing a hand on her hip she manoeuvred Melissa so she was standing under the showerhead. The spray of hot water darted over her face, her breasts, and her abdomen. Melissa collapsed back against the cool tiles as Sara lifted her right wrist and snapped one cuff on her, draped the other hand over the shower pipe, and snapped the other cuff over her wrist.

  Trapped with no way to escape, Melissa gave in to the moment as Sara lowered her head and ran her tongue over her nipple. She squirmed and pulled against the cuffs as a power of need shot through her veins.

  Sara used her leg to spread Melissa’s thighs further apart. Sara’s arm fell and her fingers found her clit unerringly. Melissa tipped her hips forward urging her on. Sara flicked her tongue across Melissa’s nipple, gripped it between her teeth and gently bit it causing Melissa to open her mouth in a silent scream. Sara’s mouth moved to her other nipple, her lips clamped over it and suckled while her hand played with the other. The feeling of the hot water filling Melissa’s mouth and swirling around her sensitized nipple was divine.

  Sara’s fingers and mouth had Melissa shaking as she fought the desire to touch her back. Wrapping her fingers around the pipe, she whispered almost breathlessly, “Please don’t stop.”

  Sara pressed her mouth against Melissa’s ear. “Do you want to feel me inside you?”

  “Yes, yes...please,” she breathed.

  Sara drew back and looked into her eyes, as her hand skimmed Melissa’s labia with two fingers. Slipping them both inside her with ease, she entered her each time with a slow thrust. Melissa’s breath caught in her throat as she groaned with pleasure. “Oh my...God!” She loved the way Sara felt inside her, every part of her.

  As if reading her mind, Sara knelt and grasped her bum cheeks, pulling her hips towards her, using her tongue to find the pathway to Melissa’s pulsating clit. Moving with deliberately timed slow strokes, Sara coaxed her until Melissa thought she would explode, sending her into a wild frenzy as convulsions washed over her, leaving her body quivering on weak legs. Sara rose to her feet and gently kissed Melissa’s lips.

  “I hope you don’t think this means you’re not giving me a body wash,” Melissa whispered.

  Brushing Melissa’s hair away from her face Sara tucked it behind her ear. “Hmm later, we’ve got more important things to be getting on with.”

  “Like?”

  “Let’s just say, I’ve got some other goodies in the bedroom for us to try out.”

  Her body still sensitive and alert, Melissa could think of nothing more exciting. “I can’t wait.”

  ***

  Melissa shivered under Sara’s firm sure hands as she massaged her body from head to toe. “If you die before me, I’m going to insist I get to keep your hands.”

  Sara playfully slapped her naked bottom. “That’s a bit gruesome.”

  Melissa laughed. “Sorry, but it’s true. You have the most amazing touch. It feels as if you’re touching my soul.”

  She let out a gentle groan when Sara covered Melissa’s body with her own, nestling her face in the crook of her neck. Melissa loved the feel of Sara’s naked body crushing against hers – it had the warm sleekness of silk. Not for the first time did she wish every part of their beings could merge into one.

  “And if you die before me I’ll keep your heart, because I’ll never find another person like you,” Sara said as she entwined her fingers with Melissa’s.

  “That’s the sweetest, most morbid thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Melissa reached up and ruffled Sara’s hair. “Hopefully we’ll die in our sleep together, when we’re about ninety.”

  Melissa frowned when she felt something wet rolling down her cheek. “Hey are you dribbling on me?” she joked, jerking her bottom up in the air. “We’re not ninety yet.”

  When Sara didn’t respond she pushed herself up, her movement causing Sara to roll to the side of the bed, her body racked with sobs. She couldn’t imagine what had caused Sara to get so upset. She was the last person in the world who gave way to tears. It was usually Melissa who was blubbering after watching Lifetime Movies with Sara looking on bemused.

  “Sara why are you crying? I was only kidding, we’ll live to be a hundred-and-fifty and-”

  “Missy...” Sara choked.

  “Hey, you’re beginning to scare me, what’s wrong?” She pulled her onto her back by her shoulder. “Please tell me.”

  Sara looked up at her with pleading blood shot eyes. “I don’t know how to.”

  “Sara, we tell each other everything.” She pulled her into her arms, rocking her back and forth, all the while kissing her hot wet tears,

  Sara flung her arms around her and pulled her closer. “I’m leaving.” The words came out jaggered and distorted.

  Melissa tried to pull away but Sara tightened her grip. She relaxed in her arms, stroking back her hair. “What do you mean you’re leaving? Leaving where? Uni? But you’re so close to graduating.” She spoke in a soft tone.

  “I mean after I graduate,” she said in a barely audible whisper.

  Melissa laughed. “Well of course you are silly. We both are.”

  Sara released her grip, rolled over to the edge of the bed and sat up, holding her head in her hands. “I’ve been offered a PhD in America and I’ve accepted.”

  “In America?” Melissa asked startled. “Without talking to me first?”

  Sara ran her hand wearily over her face, twisting her head around to face her. “I’m sorry, but it’s a chance of a lifetime. I really want it.”

  “More than me?” she asked incredulously.

  “Come on, Missy, you know it’s not that simple. This is my life I’m talking about here.”

  “One I thought I was a big part of.”

  Sara turned, crawled onto the bed and kneeled in front of her, her face tear-stained and blotchy. “You know you are. I love you more than anything in the world. But I’m never going to get another chance like this again. It’s a great university.” She took Melissa’s hands in her own. “Ple
ase don’t make this harder than it already is.”

  Feeling like she’d been kicked in the stomach, Melissa pulled her hands back and slid off the bed. Was she caught up in some sort of nightmare? Was Sara really telling her that she was leaving her – for a job in the States? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. What about their plans for the future? She was meant to be taking Sara home to meet her parents for the first time. She was finally going to tell them she was gay. Sara knew all this, so how could she so carelessly stamp down on their dreams? She slipped into her jeans and roughly pulled her t-shirt over her head.

  “Are you serious? Make it harder...” Melissa shook her head decisively. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “I said I’m sorry. Look we can still hold it together. I can come back for holidays and you can…”

  Melissa’s heart was pounding so furiously she could barely breathe. “Sara, what about us travelling for a year together? All of our plans thrown away just like that?”

  “What do you want me to do, Missy? Sacrifice something I’ve worked my arse off for?” She stopped abruptly.

  Melissa’s jaw clenched as she threw her hands up in the air. “Go on say it, for what, for me? For someone who is as disposable as a bag of rubbish?”

  “You’re putting words into my mouth now. You know I didn’t mean it like that. You’re my world.”

  Melissa grimaced. “Yeah of course I am. Do you know what? Do what the fuck you need to do, but please leave out the romancing of this situation like we’re two star-crossed lovers in a tacky romance.”

  Sara shook her head slightly. “If this was something you wanted I would never stand in your way.”

  Melissa stared at her wide-eyed. “That’s because I’d never put you in this position. I would only want something that works for both of us.”

  “So you think I’m being selfish, is that it?” Sara gasped indignantly.

  Though she wanted to scream, Melissa kept her voice level. “No, Sara. I just think you’re being you. I’m not going to stand in your way.” She tugged open a drawer, grabbed a handful of clothes and stuffed them into a duffel bag.