No Other Love Page 3

  The latch on the door clicked, and the hinges creaked as the door opened, reminding Sophie painfully that she wasn’t feeling any better, and desperately needed to get WD40 the next time she went shopping.

  Lee’s head, complete with its shock of purple tinged hair, poked around the edge of the door.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Lee said. He covered his mouth for a moment before disappearing back behind the body of the door. ‘You look awful.’

  ‘I feel it. Listen, could you get me a glass of orange juice and some painkillers?’

  ‘Course I can, darlin’,’ Lee replied.

  His head vanished again before Sophie could add, ‘And please stop whistling.’

  Lee, clearly not a dwarf but whistling like one as he worked, soon returned, marching straight into Sophie’s room without preamble this time.

  ‘There you go, darlin’,’ he said in a slightly simpering sympathetic tone as he deposited a large glass of orange fluid onto her bedside table and, to Sophie in her delicate state, a depressingly small number of painkillers. Two to be precise.

  He sat down, bouncing the mattress a little, much to the distress of Sophie’s stomach, to which the slight rise and fall felt like a tsunami had just washed over her.

  ‘How much did you guzzle last night then?’ he asked.

  Sophie opened one eye and glared at him.

  Lee laughed. ‘I saw the bottle and one glass when I got up. I thought it was a bit strange. Still, if a girl can’t have a drink when she’s heartbroken, when can she?’

  That made Sophie smile, or possibly grimace, she couldn’t quite tell.

  ‘I’m not heartbroken,’ Sophie managed, ‘I’m just finding it a tad difficult settling into my new reality.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Lee said as he jumped up, causing another wave of nausea to wash over Sophie. ‘What you need is a shower, breakfast, and plenty of coffee.’

  The thought of food made her feel even sicker than she already was, but she knew from past experience that he was right. It had always worked for her before, so there was no good reason to think it wouldn’t now.

  ‘I’m doing Eggs Benedict for me on a black pudding base. Do you fancy some of that?’

  She nodded her acceptance of his offer… which was a mistake as it set the drummer off again in her head.

  ‘Aww, bless,’ Lee said, resting cold fingertips on Sophie’s feverish cheek. ‘You are in a state, aren’t you? I’ll go so you can get up.’ He turned away and headed towards the door. ‘Breakfast in about fifteen minutes, okay?’ he said brightly as he flounced out of her room.

  Ten seconds later he was whistling again.

  Slowly and gently she forced herself into a sitting position on the side of the bed and greedily drank some of the juice to wash down the two painkillers. Then she braced herself and pushed herself to her feet with two fists pressed into the mattress.

  Once Sophie was up, she just had to stand there, feeling the cool air of the bedroom swill over her naked body as she swayed ever so slightly, and the drummer in her head pounded a big bass drum for a few seconds before it began to recede again.

  She was up. It was a miracle. All she had to do now was get in her en-suite and shower. Ten minutes later, she grabbed a dressing gown from the back of her bathroom door and slipped into it.

  Once she made it to the living room, Sophie headed to the sofa and collapsed into it. She was already starting to feel a little better. Lee had obviously been on a cleaning mission already that morning, and everything in the living room sparkled and shone beautifully while there was a lemony fresh odour lingering in the air.

  ‘Thanks, Lee,’ she announced, propping herself up against the cushions.

  Lee’s purple-crowned head appeared around the kitchen door. ‘No probs. Breakfast will be ready in a few.’ He disappeared again but his voice floated out from the ether. ‘Oh, and I posted your letter when I went to the shop for supplies earlier. Just in case you were wondering where it was.’

  Sophie sat for a moment, wondering what he was talking about.

  Then she remembered, as clearly as if she hadn’t touched a drop the night before.

  Her letter.

  The one to Alison.

  ‘You posted it?’ Her voice sounded like a stranger.

  ‘Yeah. It had the address on it already, so I bought a first-class stamp. That’s okay, isn’t it? I thought you might not want reminding about Alison this morning.’

  Sophie dropped back onto the sofa and howled the only words that her brain could compute.

  ‘Noooooooooo.’

  Chapter Four

  ‘I’m here to see Joseph Downing,’ Amber said to the young receptionist.

  The receptionist held up a finger and picked up the telephone beside her that was ringing loudly. Five minutes later, Amber was still standing there when the receptionist placed the phone back on its cradle.

  ‘Sorry, we’re very busy this morning,’ the young woman said apologetically. ‘Now what was the name again?’

  ‘Joseph Downing.’

  ‘And… date of birth?’ the receptionist asked while clattering a keyboard.

  ‘Third of September, nineteen sixty-five.’

  ‘Ah, yes, he’s on—’ The phone rang again, shrilly, urgently and to Amber, annoyingly. ‘Just a moment. Sorry,’ she said as she reached out a hand towards the phone.

  Without thinking, Amber reached over and placed her hand on the receiver, stopping the receptionist from lifting it. The young woman looked up in surprise.

  ‘He’s on…’

  The receptionist glared at Amber who glared right back at her times a hundred, not caring about making a fuss but also not willing to be kept standing around like a lemon either.

  When the receptionist realised she wasn’t going to outstare Amber, the young woman flicked her eyes back over to her screen.

  ‘He’s on Ashworth ward,’ she said through gritted teeth as the remnants of the fake smile that had been plastered on her face the whole time Amber had been there remained.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ Amber said, replicating the fake smile as best she could, ‘you’ve been very helpful!’

  She released her hold on the phone and turned away.

  It didn’t take her long to find a sign directing her towards Ashworth ward. It seemed to take forever before she actually reached it.

  Frustratingly, another couple of minutes was wasted trying to convince whoever was speaking into the intercom that she was indeed Mr. Downing’s daughter.

  Once she had been allowed into the ward, Amber cleaned her hands with the gel provided and set about finding her dad.

  It took another few minutes of wandering before she finally found him, and her mum, curtained off from the rest of the ward.

  Before her mum noticed she was there, Amber took a moment to study her dad. He had always been a larger than life figure, full of gusto and a vibrant energy for life as a whole and for his family who he loved with an equal energy. He was big, and tall and strong and gentle all at the same time.

  It broke her heart to see him as he was now. He’d lost weight and his face had sunk into itself a little. His skin was pale where before it had always been weather blown, tanned in the summer.

  He lay with his eyes, which sparkled with life and not a little mischief when she was younger, closed and again sunken into his head far more than she ever remembered.

  It made her wonder if there was more to this than just a heart attack. Was there an underlying health issue that her mum hadn’t told her about? It was just the kind of thing she would expect her to do so as not to worry her.

  ‘Amber?’ The sound of her mum’s voice dragged her back to an unpleasant reality out of a hideous fantasy. ‘Is that you?’

  Amber forced a smile to play across her lips as she looked into her mum’s sad but loving brown eyes.

  ‘Hi, Mum. I got here as fast as I could. How is he?’ She flicked her eyes back to her dad, feeling the sharp sting of tears forming in t
he corners of her eyes at seeing the one man she loved looking so weak and vulnerable.

  ‘Oh, he’s fine, darling. A lot of fuss about nothing really.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’ She rose from her seat by her husband’s bedside and went to Amber, embracing her tightly. Drawing back slightly she said, ‘You look tired, angel.’

  Amber smiled and pulled one arm out of her mum’s grip to wipe away the tears.

  ‘It was a long flight, but I’m just glad to be here.’

  ‘So am I,’ she leant forward to embrace Amber again. ‘Your dad will be thrilled when he wakes up. I didn’t tell him you were coming. I just hope he doesn’t have another heart attack when he sees you.’

  Amber laughed through the tears. ‘I hope not.’

  Amber glanced at her dad then back at her mum. ‘Are you sure he’s okay, Mum? He looks so different.’

  ‘Does he?’

  ‘He’s so thin.’

  ‘Ohhh, that. I don’t notice any more. That would be his diet. I told you last week, he’s on that Keto diet that seems to be the craze.’

  ‘You don’t think that’s what caused the heart attack, do you?’

  ‘No.’ Amber’s mum took her by the elbow and led her to an empty seat by his bed. ‘The doctor had already warned him about his weight. That’s why he was doing keto. He overhauled his diet. He’s stopped drinking. He goes to the gym. He’s lost about two stone all in all, and between you and me, darling, he’s become more energetic in every department.’

  Amber looked at her mum when she said that, just in time to see her cheeks flush.

  ‘Mum!’ Amber said, laughing, and being flooded by a feeling of relief that despite her worst fears, things didn’t sound as bad as she thought. ‘Too much information, really.’

  They shared a look and a giggle before another voice had them turning back to the bed.

  ‘Amber?’ her dad said, trying to raise his head from the pillow.

  ‘Hi, Dad.’ Amber leant over and kissed his cheek, his stubble slightly grazing her lips.

  ‘What were you two giggling about? I’m a sick man you know. You’re supposed to be weeping and wailing, beside yourself with worry, not tittering like a pair of schoolgirls.’ The smile on his suddenly animated face belied the telling off he was giving. He struggled to push himself into a sitting position. ‘Come on, give your dad a hug.’

  Amber fell into his arms happily. ‘It’s so good to see you.’

  ‘You too, Amber.’ His voice broke. ‘You too.’

  ***

  ‘I still can’t believe it, Mum. I never thought I’d hear the day when dad would overdo it in the gym, come home, walk the dog and only then decide he needs an ambulance.’

  ‘I know. Silly old fool. God knows what he’s trying to prove,’ Amber’s mum said as she pulled the car onto the drive of her childhood home. ‘Right, well, here we are, darling. How does it feel to be home?’

  ‘Like I’ve never been away.’

  ‘No. Nothing’s changed here. Apart from you,’ she said as she turned off the engine. ‘You look so different from the young woman that left here years ago. And there’s something else about you that’s different too. You seem… more confident, self-assured, whatever the words are. You’ve grown up into an exceptionally beautiful young woman in every respect and I am enormously proud of you. We both are. I hope you know that, darling.’

  ‘Thanks,’ the words brought unexpected tears to her eyes again. ‘Listen, after the flight and the hospital, I could do with some fresh air. Can you take my case in while I have a quick walk around the village?’

  ‘Of course, darling. Dinner will be about forty minutes, okay?’

  ‘Perfect. Time to clear my head.’

  As it proved, the walk around the village did have an effect on Amber’s mood but not quite the one she was hoping for. Once she reached the village green, with the same pub on one side and the same shop on the other, the bench where she used to sit, to think, she was suddenly reminded of all the reasons she left the insular small life of her home, and gone in search of something more in the huge outside world. Something she knew she would never find at home.

  Amber sat on the bench, mentally reliving all of the emotions that used to torture her. The loneliness of being the odd one out, knowing she was somehow different from the other village kids. Watching, as she grew up, those same kids pairing off, becoming couples, falling in love. How was she, literally the only gay in the village, going to find something like that? She had known it would have been an impossible feat in a population of three thousand people. Thankfully, her parents had understood her dilemma, hence the reason they didn’t try to talk her out of moving to the other side of the world.

  And now she was back. Reliving old memories. Remembering how small and isolated she’d felt. Feeling them all over again as if she was still that lost confused child.

  She hoped it was the jetlag that was causing her anxiety. That was making her feel like getting on the first plane back home. Home? Yes, New York was her home now. Not Great Addington.

  But Amber was determined to stay the month she’d promised her mum that she’d be here. Her parents needed her and that was more important than her emotional drama. She was just going to have to suck it up. Amber was a grown woman now and she needed to start acting like one.

  She stood up and headed home, repeating the mantra in her head.

  ‘It’s only a month! It’s not forever!’

  After dinner, Amber headed back to her old room and unpacked her clothes, putting them in the same chest of drawers she’d emptied when she moved out.

  A gentle tap on the door. Then the door creaked open slowly.

  ‘I forgot to send this letter on to you. It arrived a few days ago. What with what happened with your father, it slipped my mind.’

  Amber took the envelope from her mum’s outstretched hand.

  ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Love you.’

  Amber waited until her mother closed the door before sliding her finger under the flap of the envelope. She pulled the single sheet of paper out and frowned when she saw the heading.

  School Reunion.

  She dropped it on her bedside table.

  Hell will freeze over before I step back in that school.

  Before she could think another thought, Amber fell asleep. The past forgotten.

  For now anyway.

  Chapter Five

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Lee said as he came running back into the living room from the kitchen. He took one look at her and screeched.

  Sophie was on her back, hyperventilating at a rate that could have made someone think she was in need of urgent medical care.

  ‘Oh God, oh my God.’ Lee’s high pitch sounded through the room as he ran over and knelt beside her. Putting his hand on her stomach he said, ‘Breathe Soph, breathe.’

  When she failed to respond to his instruction, he yanked her up into a sitting position, put his hand on the back of her neck and shoved her head forward between her knees. ‘That’s it, breathe, Soph. I’ve seen them do this in the movies when someone’s hyperinflating.’

  He pulled her back upright again, then before she could catch her breath, he plunged her head between her knees and held it there while she puffed and panted a couple of times until she couldn’t breathe at all.

  Using every ounce of strength she could muster, Sophie reached behind her neck, dug her nails into Lee’s hands and with the only breath she had, yelled, ‘Get your hand off me!’

  Lee yelped and yanked his hand away, holding it under his armpit as he limped around the room.

  ‘You drew blood,’ Lee said, shaking his hand vigorously.

  ‘You nearly killed me, you idiot.’

  ‘I was trying to help. You were hyper-whatsisnaming.’

  Sophie sucked in a deep breath.

  ‘Ventilating.’

  ‘Who is?’ Lee asked, still shaking his hand then examining the miniscule spot wher
e Sophie’s nails had pierced his skin.

  ‘It’s hyperventilating,’ Sophie said, still trying to catch her breath fully.

  ‘I thought you were having a fit or something.’

  ‘I might do in a minute.’ Sophie looked up at him, praying that she’d misheard him and she had simply overreacted. ‘Please tell me you were joking about posting the letter?’

  Lee was, at that moment, sucking the back of his hand like he was trying to extract snake venom. He stopped for a moment, a puzzled expression on his face.

  ‘No.’

  Sophie glared at him. ‘No what? No, Sophie, I won’t tell you I was joking, or no, Sophie, I didn’t post the letter?’

  Lee stopped sucking again. ‘The first one.’

  ‘So, you did post it?’

  ‘Yeah, I just said I did, didn’t I? I posted the stupid letter. It was on the table, with Alison’s address, so I sealed it up and dropped it to the post office down the street. Collection was ten-thirty.’

  Sophie leant forward and picked up her phone, then powered it on in the forlorn hope that she might still have time to get to the post-box and intercept the postman.

  12:11.

  Shit.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ Lee asked, taking one final look at his wounded hand before allowing it to fall by his side.

  Sophie snapped her head up to yell at him but looking at the innocent expression on his face, she knew she shouldn’t. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t stand anything being out of place.

  Instead, she dropped her head a little and put her hands in front of her.

  ‘Yes. There was… something in there I don’t want Alison to see.’

  ‘Oh shit. You haven’t put nude pictures in there have you? Trying to win her back. This is what you’re missing kind of thing?’

  Sophie slowly looked up at him again, but she didn’t say a word. The look of disdain on her features was enough.

  ‘I’ll take that as a no then, shall I? Look, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. What was it?’

  ‘That letter…’

  ‘What about it?’ Lee asked sitting beside her on the sofa.

  ‘Contained everything that I wanted to say to her.’