Lost In You Read online

  Nevertheless, Tess and Amanda’s silence spoke volumes, which only served to raise Heidi’s defences even higher.

  ‘I love my job,’ Heidi directed her statement at Amanda. ‘I really do. And I swear I don’t have any regrets about my career choices.’

  ‘But?’ Amanda said.

  The gold glinted mirror on the wall opposite gave Heidi the reflection of a weary woman. Worry and woe shaded her eyes and pulled at the corners of her mouth. She looked exactly how she felt. Exhausted and at the end of her tether.

  ‘There aren’t any buts,’ Heidi protested half-heartedly.

  ‘If you say so.’ Amanda sliced her sausage with precision and popped a piece in her mouth.

  ‘I’m starting to wish I’d gone straight to work instead of coming here.’

  ‘Don’t be such a baby,’ Tess said, ‘We’re just making small talk.’

  ‘It sounds like badgering to me,’ Heidi said, feeling her blood pressure start to rise.

  ‘So what is it you’re looking for exactly? Advice?’ Amanda asked dabbing her mouth with a napkin before putting it on her now empty plate.

  ‘If it’s sensible, yes,’ Heidi said. Starting with how to find another office space that accepted peanuts in lieu of rent. Because that’s about all the charity could afford. Next would be how to find the right words to tell her colleagues she was planning to leave once all the drama was over.

  It had been three days and she still hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell anyone that she’d been called in for an interview. Under normal circumstances, she would have gone straight to Simone to share the good news. Right about now she’d be telling me what not to wear and how I should do my hair.

  But these were not normal circumstances. If news of her seeking employment elsewhere came out while everyone was embroiled in the all-encompassing task of saving the centre, it would be catastrophic. There was no doubt in her mind that her colleagues, volunteers, and clients would perceive her as a traitor. A coward, who was abandoning them in their hour of need.

  ‘Okay, here’s what I’d do if I was in your position,’ Amanda said switching to her proactive mode. ‘I would talk directly to your new landlords. There’s no point keep airing your grievances on TV. Too impersonal. Besides, they might not have even seen your interview.’

  That thought hadn’t even occurred to Heidi but it actually made sense. She felt a renewed surge of excitement. ‘You’re right—the only contact we’ve had from them was the letter giving us notice.’

  ‘Exactly. But whatever you do, don’t get in their face about it. State your case fact by fact—’

  ‘I know exactly what to say.’ Heidi pulled her hair back in a ponytail, leaving it unkempt as it twirled to her collarbone. She looked across the table at Amanda. ‘When are you going home?’

  ‘In a few days.’

  ‘I’ll drop by before you go. Sorry I can’t finish breakfast, Mum.’ Heidi grabbed a sausage and stuffed it halfway into her mouth. ‘Tell Dad I love him. Call you both later.’

  Heidi grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and headed out the door. I’m such an idiot, she chided herself as she hurried to the bus stop. Amanda was right of course. Before shouting her mouth off in public she should have made her case with the developers in private. And let that be a lesson. Think before you act next time!

  With every minute that passed, Heidi became more and more nervous at the thought of coming face-to-face with Vanessa and being … What? Rejected? Humiliated? Or simply just mesmerised?

  ***

  Finding the Berkley O’Neil office building was easy enough. Situated in Central London, the office block stood tall and proud. While the buildings on either side were in a run-down condition with peeling paint and dirty windows, Berkley O’Neil’s towering glass building glistened in the sunlight like a giant diamond.

  But what wasn’t easy, as Heidi was about to find out, was getting in front of Vanessa to plead her case. A middle-aged woman was seated behind a desk in a large reception area engrossed in her computer screen. She didn’t look up until Heidi stood in front of her and cleared her throat.

  ‘I’d like to see Vanessa O’Neil please.’

  Beady brown eyes bored into hers. ‘Do you have an appointment?’

  Heidi shook her head.

  ‘Then you’ll have to make one.’

  ‘Fine. Pencil me in please, Liz,’ Heidi added reading the name tag on her blouse which strained against her large breasts.

  Liz tapped a few keys on the keyboard. ‘Let’s see. The earliest I can fit you in will be the 23rd—’

  ‘Brilliant.’ Today was the 21st. Heidi could cope with waiting another two days if it meant getting her argument across. On the plus side, it would give her time to put together a reasonable proposal. ‘I can wait a couple of days if I have to.’

  Liz frowned. ‘I meant the 21st of May.’

  ‘What? Are you kidding? We’re in March.’

  ‘I’m sorry but Ms O’Neil is a very busy woman.’

  ‘It’s going to be too late. Look is there any way you can help me out. It’s urgent. We’re going to be evicted—’

  ‘I do sympathise with you Ms Cross—’

  ‘Wait, you know who I am?’

  ‘Of course.’ Liz pointed at the large flat screen TV mounted on the wall. ‘I saw your interview the other day.’

  ‘So you can understand why I need to see her?’

  ‘Like I said, Ms O’Neil is very busy.’ Liz leant forward and whispered in a conspiratorial tone, ‘In fact, she’ll be leaving the building for an appointment in a few minutes.’

  ‘Uh? That’s no good ….’ It took a few seconds for it to dawn on her that Liz was indirectly helping her. ‘Ah, I see. Thank you.’

  ‘No, thank you for looking out for those kids.’

  The lift doors pinged and opened in the corridor behind the reception desk. Heidi glanced up past Liz, as a group of smartly dressed people talking animatedly emerged. Three men and Vanessa O’Neil. She looked every inch the business woman, dressed in a pinstriped black suit that accentuated her figure in all the right places.

  Startled by Vanessa’s sudden appearance, Heidi’s brain froze. It took Liz’s whisper of urgency for it to defrost. ‘Here’s your chance.’

  Mmm. She looks so much better in the flesh. Heidi licked her bottom lip, then said in a trance like voice. ‘It’s really her isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes and you’ve got about thirty seconds to catch her. So get moving.’

  Heart in her mouth, Heidi waited until Vanessa and her colleagues walked through into the foyer. Struggling to find her voice, Heidi waved her hand in the air to gain Vanessa’s attention. It was in vain. Vanessa was engrossed in deep conversation with a tall, slender, dark-haired man who held a thick folder in one hand.

  Come on, Heidi, remember, victory favours the brave. It was the self-motivator she needed. ‘Ms O’Neil?’ she called out.

  No response. Vanessa was near the exit. A few more steps and she would be outside and no doubt whisked away in her private car. Heidi advanced quicker in her direction.

  ‘Ms O’Neil?’ Heidi called again only louder this time.

  Vanessa stopped and turned.

  A charge of electricity slammed into Heidi’s body. She tugged at the base of her top thinking that was the reason her breathing had become shallow. She’s amazing. I can’t believe I’m actually breathing the same air as her. In the same space.

  Heidi neared. Standing only feet away, their gaze locked. Grey eyes. Gorgeous, stormy grey eyes. The eyeliner Vanessa wore only highlighted them, giving them an unsettling, staring quality. It felt as if Vanessa’s eyes were piercing her soul.

  Heidi’s gaze dropped to Vanessa’s chest and the way in which her hair brushed gently against her cleavage. The mere sight of this made her giddy with excitement.

  Vanessa gave her a quizzical look. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘I … I’m…’ You’re so much more than what I imagined. �
��I’m Heidi Cross, from Young Minds. Your company just—’

  Vanessa squared her shoulders in a defensive pose. ‘Bought your premises. Yes, I know.’

  Heidi was waiting for an ‘and?’ but Vanessa said no more.

  ‘Yes, about that. I was wondering if we could sit down and talk?’

  ‘Make an appointment—’

  ‘I just tried. You’re booked up for two months solid.’ Heidi attempted a light-hearted laugh. ‘Please. If I could just have two minutes of your time.’

  ‘Time is one thing I don’t have,’ Vanessa said as if Heidi’s needs were inconsequential.

  Heidi’s forehead wrinkled slightly at the chill in Vanessa’s voice. The unexpectedly cold reception was all it took to obliterate any silly romantic notions she had about Vanessa. Heidi wondered if she should just leave but rejected the idea immediately.

  Why the hell am I being so nice to her? She’s the one responsible for evicting us from the centre and by the looks of it, doesn’t give a damn either. Heidi’s temples pounded, her throat tightened. When she spoke again she could barely keep the contempt out of her voice. ‘No, people like you don’t have a lot of time, do they? Especially for those who you don’t give a shit about.’

  Vanessa fixed her with a challenging, pissed off stare. ‘Ms Cross—’

  ‘How the hell do people like you manage to sleep at night?’ The last thing I need to be thinking about is her in bed. ‘Do you count how much money you’ve made in a day instead of sheep? Do you give a single thought about the lives you ruin with—’

  A middle-aged, short, stocky man stepped protectively in front of Vanessa. ‘That’s enough. You need to leave this building right now.’

  Heidi sidestepped him. ‘That’s about right. There’s always someone to do your dirty work for you, isn’t there?’

  Vanessa touched the man’s arm and he reluctantly moved to the side. ‘I have my day ahead planned—’

  ‘Plans? Funnily enough, we had plans as well—until you lot decided to evict us.’

  ‘Are you going to let me speak?’

  ‘Are you going to talk about the injustice of what you’re doing to us?’

  Vanessa raised her eyebrows. ‘Do you really think this is the best way to get my attention? First by publicly shaming us and now—’

  ‘How about you try and put yourself in the shoes of the little people for once. How would you have gone about getting your attention?’

  ‘Not like this,’ Vanessa said.

  The dark-haired man tapped his watch and Vanessa gave a slight nod. The man then beckoned a security guard who was talking into his walkie-talkie. ‘Times up.’ His voice was final.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’m going. To think I thought it was your brother who looked like a hard-faced bastard. He’s got nothing on you, has he?’ Heidi said, as a last parting shot to Vanessa. It was time to retreat before the no-nonsense security man got hold of her.

  What a bitch! I can’t believe it. Just goes to show that beauty accounts for nothing.

  From the bus stop opposite the building, Heidi watched Vanessa and her entourage approach a waiting car. Before Vanessa climbed in, she stopped as if sensing Heidi’s stare, and looked straight in her direction. Heidi couldn’t see the expression on her face. One of contempt I bet. Then Vanessa ducked inside and the car sped off.

  By now Heidi had composed herself. And that is how not to approach someone when you need their help. Heidi boarded the bus and sat at the front. What a fucking disaster. How am I going to explain to Simone and the team that I have made things even worse?

  During the twenty-minute journey to work, Heidi replayed the scenario in her head. Why had she lost her cool? Amanda had warned her not to ‘get in their face’ but that’s exactly what she had done. The regret of acting on impulse grew deeper by the second and no amount of self-loathing satisfied her conscience.

  Like her Dad used to say, ‘That temper of yours will be the ruin of you one day’, and Heidi knew that day had finally come.

  ***

  Heidi’s skin prickled and sweat formed between her breasts as she arrived at work to find a small group of people standing outside the entrance. Heidi recognised them as the parents of some of her clients. A wave of panic washed over her. Shit, shit, shit! What am I going to tell them?

  ‘Heidi, is it true? Is the centre going to close?’ asked a concerned Mum as Heidi neared.

  ‘Nothing’s set in stone, Debs,’ Heidi answered as confidently as she could.

  Her management training had tempered her against showing tension. Only now for the first time did she realise how strenuous and difficult it was to keep everyone stable and assured.

  ‘When will you be seeing the new owners?’ another woman asked.

  Heidi pulled the glass door open and stopped halfway inside. ‘I’ve … Um, I’m working hard to try and find a solution—’

  ‘But where will our kids go for help if you can’t find one? How do I keep Micky from self-harming without this place? He’s just starting to get on his feet,’ one of the fathers implored in a quivering voice that broke Heidi’s heart.

  ‘Please try not to worry.’ Not yet anyway. ‘We’ll work something out. These property moguls are people, just like us. They have families too. I’m sure they’ll understand our dilemma,’ she said before she disappeared inside.

  Privately, Heidi knew her words were futile. Sadly, after her encounter with Vanessa, she also knew there was little or no chance of getting her to change her mind now.

  Heidi bypassed her office and walked straight to the kitchenette for a much-needed caffeine hit. As she entered, the expression on Simone’s face told her all she needed to know: she should brace herself for another difficult day. But Heidi knew the situation couldn’t get much worse—not now anyway.

  ‘Morning,’ Heidi said to no one in particular as she made for the kettle.

  ‘Any news yet?’ Christina asked, taking a sip from her mug.

  Heidi answered her question with a question. ‘Who’s in today?’

  ‘Um, let’s see. Richie, Harry, Mel and Kirsty.’

  ‘Okay that’ll be enough. Would you get everyone together in the conference room please. I’m at a dead-end so we need to brainstorm and see if we can come up with a new plan of action.’ Since mine seem to fail miserably.

  Christina nodded, placed her almost untouched coffee on the worktop and left.

  ‘Wow, you look like shit,’ Simone said, slinking up beside her.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘No, I’m serious. Have you been sleeping?’

  Heidi pulled a face. ‘Do you really need to ask?’

  ‘Suppose not.’

  ‘Oh, Sim, you’re gonna kill me. I think I’ve really put my foot in it.’ Heidi poured boiling water into her cup and stirred.

  Simone playfully nudged Heidi’s shoulder, ‘You been up to something naughty?’

  ‘I wish it were that simple.’ She bowed her head. ‘I went to see Vanessa O’Neil.’

  Simone’s eyes widened. ‘And?’

  ‘And …’ Heidi let out a long breath. ‘I fucked up big time.’

  ‘No!’ Simone gasped. ‘How? What did you do?’

  ‘I lost my rag. I can’t believe that under the circumstances she couldn’t even give me two minutes of her precious time. I don’t know why but I thought she was different.’

  ‘Because she’s gay? I wouldn’t worry about it,’ Simone said in a determined tone that Heidi had never heard her use before. ‘You’ll figure a way around this. If anyone can get us out of this mess, it’s you.’

  Great. Nothing like being reminded that the future of the centre is my responsibility.

  Ten minutes later, Heidi walked nervously into the conference room. Why she was apprehensive she didn’t know. These people were her friends. They had been through hell and back together, but reminding herself of this did nothing to alleviate the heaviness she felt as she sat down at the head of the table and took in the expectant fa
ces turned towards her.

  ‘Right, let’s get started,’ Heidi took a quick sip of coffee and put her cup on the table. ‘As you may have noticed, my interview with the press failed to get the reaction I’d hoped for. So I … I went to see Vanessa O’Neil this morning—’

  ‘What did she have to say for herself?’ Mel interrupted.

  ‘Nothing much, she didn’t have time to talk. She was in a rush.’ That was true, Vanessa hadn’t said much. Her face was still imprinted on Heidi’s mind—only now there was a burning resentment when she thought about her, not a lovey-dovey crush.

  ‘You should have asked her why it’s so important for them to occupy this space when there are other areas in London they can develop,’ Christina butted in.

  ‘And why isn’t there more of a public outcry?’ Mel looked pained. ‘People are too busy with their heads stuck in virtual realities to even notice what’s going on around them.’

  ‘We need to force them to meet with us,’ Christina said.

  ‘Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. Didn’t you hear what Heidi said?’ Richie narrowed his eyes. ‘Rich people don’t have time for lowlifes like us.’

  ‘So if we don’t move out within two months, what will they do to us?’ Kirsty asked.

  ‘They’ll probably put one of those huge unpickable padlocks on the front door,’ Simone said.

  Heidi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘I’m beginning to think I should have never gone to the press with this. I might have rubbed them up the wrong way by calling them out in public.’ And by showing up unannounced at Vanessa’s office and being mega rude.

  ‘Don’t blame yourself. They left us no choice.’ Harry gave her a reassuring smile. ‘We had to find out they bought the place through a third party. They’re the ones in the wrong.’

  ‘Well, there’s no point going round in circles,’ Heidi said with finality. ‘Whether they’re the bad guys or not, they are legally within their rights to evict us. What we need to do is focus on what we can do to get out of this mess.’