Lost In You Page 2

  ‘You can be such an arsehole sometimes.’

  ‘Sometimes? Most of the time,’ he boasted, beaming through his reddened face and growing double chin. He loosened his tie as if the news would be an event to watch.

  A painfully thin newscaster with her hair tied in a ponytail graced the screen. Her flawless skin and impeccably made-up face stared back at them as her cultured, even-toned voice filled the room.

  ‘Today, Heidi Cross, manager at the Young Minds Centre, called a press conference to address the Berkley O’Neil purchase of the building in which the counselling centre is housed. Tim Holmes spoke to Heidi Cross from the centre and now reports.’

  ‘Can you believe it? She just wants to get her face on TV to bitch about the inevitable. This is what happens when people don’t want to accept change. They become bitter and twisted.’

  Vanessa tuned out Craig’s rantings. The only thing that now held her attention was the attractive woman on the high-definition screen. She looked calm and composed as she spoke.

  ‘Needless to say, we at Young Minds are devastated by our impending eviction after Berkley O’Neil thought it was a good idea to add our charity building to their already rocketing property development business. By doing this, they are taking away one of the only places where gay teenagers and young adults can come for help. These young people need us. They need to know that they are more important than some corporation’s bank account. That’s why I’m speaking out and bringing our plight to the public. I believe our clients are more important than a block of luxury flats and I’m sure anyone with a heart will agree.’

  Heidi’s voice caused Vanessa’s skin to tingle, as if she were slowly caressing her body with the tip of her tongue.

  ‘It takes a special kind of heartless money-monger to close down a place like our centre for their own unnecessary gain. They would never dare show their faces and come and see for themselves what a difference the centre makes in people’s lives every day. This is not just a building; it is a hub of life and gives hope to the users of the service we provide. In fact,’ Heidi stared directly into the camera as if she were personally addressing Vanessa herself. ‘I invite the owners at Berkley, O’Neil and Associates to visit us for just one day.’

  Vanessa’s stomach flipped over as her gaze remained glued to the screen. Her attraction to Heidi was not just because she was a natural, down-to-earth beauty with stunning red hair and green come-to-bed eyes. She was also intensely drawn to her fiery attitude. Heidi Cross exhibited a warring spirit but still appeared compassionate and rational. All the qualities Vanessa admired in a woman.

  ‘Does she really think that little speech is going to make us change our minds?’ Craig said with the faintest touch of ridicule in his voice as he switched the TV off.

  ‘Craig, you didn’t say anything about turfing a charity out of the building.’

  ‘Who gives a toss. It’s just a building.’

  ‘That just happens to counsel vulnerable gay people. How is that going to make me look once they associate me with the eviction?’

  ‘Not my problem.’ He snorted. ‘You sound as whiney as that bloody manager.’

  Vanessa shook her head in dismay at Craig’s reaction to her obvious dilemma. Added to that, he just didn’t see what she saw in Heidi. All he sensed was a fight, and he was gunning for it.

  ‘Not only is she making a complete idiot of herself in public by challenging us, she thinks that provoking us will get our attention. It’s a shame such a pretty thing is so desperate.’ He gestured to his crotch area and let out a lascivious laugh. ‘Of course, if she wants my attention, I’d be happy to give her a good once-over at one of our apartments—on the house of course.’

  ‘Do you have to be so vile?’ Vanessa said. ‘And regardless of what you think, she doesn’t strike me as someone who’s going down without a fight. In fact, I think you might have met your match.’

  Craig’s face changed to a serious display of irritation. Heidi Cross had clearly got under his skin, regardless of the brave charade he displayed. He sat quietly for a while, his eyes darting from side to side as his brain worked overtime. Then he snapped his head towards her.

  ‘Vanessa, you know the value of this deal. I’m not going to let one loser backed by a bunch of …’ Vanessa raised her eyebrows ‘… Unruly gay people derail the process.’

  Vanessa couldn’t help but think of the upheaval an eviction would cause to the people who used the charity’s services and the damage to my reputation. She doubted she could change Craig’s mind but it was worth a try. She gave him a tight-lipped smile. ‘Why don’t you see if you can come to a compromise?’

  Craig looked at her as if he wanted to skewer her alive. His face shifted from confusion to anger. ‘Wait. You’re not seriously considering this fucking challenge, are you? Are you out of your mind? You want me to give in to some whiney bitc—woman and compromise this company’s integrity and … and power?’

  Vanessa shrugged. ‘It’s up to you. But remember, if she pulls another public stunt like that one, we might have the council telling us to rethink our plans.’

  Craig’s features instantly softened and he even gestured with his head that he was listening to a voice of reason. Vanessa continued, ‘The public will believe everything she said and think we’re cowards hiding in the shadows. That we bully vulnerable people for the sake of profits.’

  Craig opened his mouth to argue, then promptly closed it when she raised her hand.

  ‘Do you want to prove her right, just because your over-inflated ego can’t bear to be wrong?’

  Craig jumped up from the sofa, walked over to her desk and stared her down with contempt. ‘It sickens me how someone of your wealth and success would give a shit what the public and that pathetic bitch think of us.’

  Vanessa recoiled when Craig slammed his right hand on the desk.

  ‘You’re a disgrace to this family. Weak, girly and stupid. There’s no place in this business for a do-gooder like you. Why don’t you step the fuck aside and let the big boys run the show?’

  Sweat beaded on his top lip and Vanessa wondered just how much self-control it took for him not to strike her. She remained silent under his taunting eyes, not wanting to provoke him any further. Craig stormed towards the door, shaking his head while mumbling about what a waste of space she was. He cast her one last hateful glare before he jerked the door wide open and slammed it shut behind him.

  No matter how hard he tried he could never hide his resentment that their parents had given Vanessa equal shares in the company. To their credit, they had known Craig was not the kind of man that should hold excessive power over anyone or anything. Before they retired to Florida, their parents had always kept Craig in check, but unfortunately they weren’t around anymore to maintain that balance. He was out of control in his quest to build a property empire in London and its surrounding areas.

  If Vanessa hadn’t given up running her own successful art business to save their father’s legacy before Craig destroyed it, she would have left him to get on with it, but that wasn’t even an option now. She had too much to lose so she had to at least try and minimise any potential damage Craig might cause. Engaging in a dispute with a charity was not the sort of fight she wanted played out in the public domain.

  Heidi. The woman haunted her mind on so many levels.

  She reached for the phone and connected with her secretary. ‘Gina, get hold of Priscilla Jones at Channel Five News. Tell her I want to respond to the comments Heidi Cross made today.’

  Not only would Vanessa save their company’s reputation by putting a positive spin on the purchase of the charity’s building, but Craig would be livid with her for speaking in public about it. A double score for me.

  She smiled as she looked at the black screen that had so recently held the image of Heidi’s arresting face.

  Chapter Three

  Why do adults lie? Kelli pondered. They make statements as if they were set in stone: ‘Don’t
worry about it’, ‘You’ll soon get over it’, ‘Everything will be all right’. What exactly did these words mean to someone whose whole world had caved in? Jack shit was what they meant. As far as she was concerned, adults could stick their ‘I know best’ platitudes up their arses. They were a bunch of losers with their smarmy smiles, patronising voices and fake promises of better things to come. Well guess what? Nothing ever got better. If anything, they just got worse.

  Kelli looked down at her mother’s gravestone. Lauren O’Neil. 1979 – 2016.

  Tears welled in her eyes at the thought of her mum being buried under six feet of mud, worms and insects. At sixteen, she was on the cusp of adulthood, the grey area in-between, so crying was the last thing she should be doing. Society dictated that she should be able to cope with her emotions by now. If only it were that easy. Her mum had been everything to her and now she was gone. Kelli had no one—well, no one who genuinely cared. Her aunt Vanessa tried to put on a good show about being there for her but work always came first. From the minute she woke up, Vanessa’s head was stuck in a newspaper or her iPad, then she’d leave the house and wouldn’t return until she thought Kelli was asleep. The last time Kelli checked, looking after someone involved more than putting a roof over their head, but that was all her aunt had done for her.

  Kelli’s mobile phone beeped. Without thinking, she removed it from her pocket but didn’t check the messages straight away. She knew who it was from. Jason: the one boy all the girls lusted over at college, but who, for some reason, was only interested in Kelli. She gave it a few minutes before she unlocked her phone. When she did, her heartbeat pounded in her chest, making it nearly impossible for her to breathe as she read and re-read the words over and over.

  I know why you don’t want me.

  What does he know? He can’t have found out the truth. Kelli momentarily forgot about her mum and she quickly tapped a response:

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  She waited. Every second that ticked by seemed like an hour. When he still hadn’t replied five minutes later, her panic level elevated to red. Kelli paced the gravel floor. Four steps forward, an abrupt turn, four paces back. Her hands trembled as she checked and re-checked her phone.

  ‘Come on, Jason. Answer me for fuck’s sake.’ Her voice quivered. ‘Bloody answer me.’

  A passer-by stared at her with suspicion and hurried past with a bunch of flowers held tightly against her chest. Kelli attempted to give her a reassuring look, but it didn’t work. The woman bowed her head and quickened her pace.

  ‘Oh piss off then,’ Kelli muttered under her breath.

  She probably believes all the shit she reads in the papers about teenagers being the new terrorists.

  Kelli turned her attention back to her phone. It beeped. She inhaled deeply, prepared for the worst.

  You know exactly what it means. You’ve been keeping secrets.

  Kelli’s legs buckled beneath her and she used the headstone to keep herself upright. With her free hand, she smacked her forehead hard. ‘No, no, no, no, he can’t know.’

  Kelli’s breath rasped in her throat and her thoughts were muddled as she tried to figure out how to respond. Before she got the chance, her phone beeped again. Even though she dreaded seeing the words in black and white, she couldn’t help but look.

  Evan told me that you wanted to shag him.

  Evan? She laughed out loud as she looked heavenward. ‘Thank you, God,’ she said, more out of habit than in the true belief that a grey-haired man in the sky was looking over her. Trust Evan to save the day with his wild fantasies.

  That was one text message she wouldn’t be responding to. Best to leave Jason with the image of her being a slut than him finding out the truth.

  Kelli bent down, kissed her mother’s headstone and promised to visit her next week, before heading towards the exit. As she walked, Kelli thought about all the things that could go wrong if anyone found out about her secret. Not only would she have the piss taken out of her on a daily basis, but the news could also get back to her aunt. She didn’t particularly like lying but it was the only choice she had. Not that it really mattered. That was another thing adults told lies about: that you should always tell the truth.

  It was funny how the ones who surrounded her did anything but.

  Chapter Four

  Heidi’s sister always gave it to her straight and today was no exception. Sat at the dining table in their parents’ homely kitchen, Amanda stared at Heidi despairingly. ‘Wake up! This is not your battle to fight. You’re a stone’s throw away from being kicked out of your flat and you think you’ve got time to act like a martyr?’

  ‘The centre needs me—’

  ‘And you need some sense knocked into you. What’s it going to take? For you to get home from work one day and find your stuff out on the street?’

  Heidi frowned and pouted. ‘Come on, it’s not that bad.’

  ‘Isn’t it? You eat value food from Tesco for God’s sake—’

  ‘That’s my choice,’ Heidi said, wishing she’d never brought the subject of the centre up. If she could only wind back the clock a few minutes, they could be engrossed in a conversation that wasn’t so emotive, like the weather.

  ‘I give up,’ Amanda said in the authoritarian voice she used when she wanted to shut Heidi down, which was most of the time as they barely agreed on anything. ‘You never listen to what I say anyway.’

  ‘That’s not true. I applied for the job at Citizens Advice didn’t I? And anyway, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to leave the centre—’

  ‘But you didn’t say when you will.’

  ‘Because I can’t—’

  Amanda raised her eyebrows. ‘Or won’t?’

  ‘I will. But just not right now.’

  ‘You two ….’ Tess, their mother, intervened brightly as she stirred a pan of baked beans on the hob. ‘Stop bickering.’

  Amanda’s surly expression dissolved into a smile. ‘We’re not bickering. Heidi is just being her usual stubborn self.’

  Heidi clasped her hands together under the table. They were safer there than wrapped around Amanda’s neck. She’s so infuriating.

  ‘Are you at least going to tell the centre you’re leaving?’ Tess opened the oven to check the browning sausages and it released a mouth-watering aroma that exacerbated Heidi’s hunger pangs.

  ‘Not you as well, Mum. I came here for breakfast, not an inquisition.’

  ‘What did I do? I only asked a question.’ Tess rolled her eyes as she took the tray out of the oven and slammed the door shut. Jamming a fork into a sausage she held it in the air. ‘One or two?’

  ‘Two please,’ Heidi said.

  ‘In that case I’ll have one,’ Amanda said. ‘I have to watch my weight, unlike some people.’

  Heidi poked out her tongue. It wasn’t her fault she could eat anything and not gain weight. Yet with the passive-aggressive comments Amanda made, anyone would think Heidi was only slim to spite her.

  ‘I think you did the right thing making the centre’s troubles public. It might not get you anywhere, but at least you’re not taking it lying down,’ Tess said, dishing out the food before handing them each a plate. She retrieved her own plate from the worktop and joined her daughters at the table. ‘The least the developers could have done was give you some notice.’

  ‘They have now. Two months wasn’t it?’ Amanda said with a smirk.

  ‘Whose side are you on anyway?’ Heidi shot back.

  ‘Yours, Heidi, if you—’

  ‘Yeah, I know, I know. If I hadn’t dropped out of medical school, I wouldn’t be in the mess I’m in now. Seriously, Mandy, you’re starting to sound like a broken record.’

  Tess took a mouthful of food and chewed thoughtfully. ‘Your sister does have a point ….’

  ‘Oh, Mum, give me a break. I thought you supported me on my decision to quit.’

  ‘I did and I do,’ Tess said quickly, giving Heidi’s hand a squeeze, ‘But
looking at how your life has turned out. Maybe I should have encouraged you to finish.’

  Heidi stared at Tess. Had she forgotten the severe anxiety Heidi had suffered? Did she not remember the times where Heidi would be so stressed out with her workload that she couldn’t sleep for days?

  ‘So you’re saying you’d rather have a rich but thoroughly depressed daughter? How would that have been any better than the situation I’m in now?’

  ‘You know what they say, better to be rich and miserable than poor and miserable,’ Amanda said sitting back with a smile of triumph.

  Heidi glanced at her but said nothing. Five years older and a doctor herself, Amanda wasn’t exactly the poster girl for happiness. This was the third week in as many months that Amanda had retreated to their parents’ home for a so-called ‘break’. Her sister had invented a world of make-believe where everything in her marriage to Ellis Fallon was perfect. Heidi might have bought into her fairy tale had she not overheard Amanda talking to Ellis on the phone. She’d been shocked to hear Amanda tell him in no uncertain terms that she was miserable with her life and being married to him was only making things worse.

  Amanda would never admit to failing at anything. Ever. Her sister would rather die than admit to the true state of her marriage, even to her own family. In order to spare Amanda any embarrassment, Heidi did what any loving sister would do—she colluded in Amanda’s falsehood and nodded in agreement when she pointed out that one day Heidi could be as lucky as her and find the partner of her dreams.

  ‘But you are though, aren’t you?’ Tess was saying. ‘Unhappy I mean. All you do is work and if you’re not working you’re at home moping around.’

  ‘Only because I’m knackered. It’s stressful dealing with problems all day.’

  Not that the stress at work was unbearable. It wasn’t. All Heidi meant was that when she got home she liked to switch off and chill out by reading or taking a candlelit bath. Enjoying having time to herself was hardly ‘moping about’ as her mum had so kindly put it.