Lost In You Read online

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  Vanessa sighed. ‘I take it you’re still pissed off with me?’

  ‘Are you always so observant?’

  ‘We can’t carry on like this. Let’s go somewhere where we can talk. I saw an Indian restaurant across the road.’

  Indian? Kebab? Indian? Kebab? Heidi debated with her stomach. Vanessa and Indian? Or kebab and TV? Mmm. Her stomach won. ‘All right.’

  ‘Great! Then we can come back up for a drink?’ Vanessa asked hopefully as they walked along the balcony.

  Heidi’s heart screamed yes but her mind was firmly in the no camp. Seeing how much trouble her heart had caused her last time, she decided to go with the latter. ‘No. I think it’s safer being in public with you. No more meetings behind closed doors.’

  Vanessa’s triumphant smile faded all the way to nothing. ‘Never?’

  ‘Never.’

  Vanessa shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Suit yourself. Dinner it is then.’

  Heidi trailed behind Vanessa as she walked downstairs and across to the restaurant where they were greeted warmly by Ali the owner. Heidi had only eaten there a couple of times when Amanda had treated her, so she was surprised that he remembered her.

  ‘Ah, good to see you again. Come,’ Ali said guiding them to a secluded table at the back of the packed restaurant. ‘Sanjay, bring the menus.’

  The restaurant hummed with conversation as they sat opposite each other inspecting their menus. The soft glow of candlelight made for a romantic setting, which was the last thing Heidi needed.

  This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.

  The heat rose to Heidi’s face when Vanessa’s knee brushed against hers. She craned her neck to look for Sanjay. When she turned back Vanessa was staring at her with a grin on her face.

  ‘You looking for someone?’ Vanessa asked.

  Where’s Sanjay with my beer? I need a beer. ‘No. Should I be?’

  ‘Not if Craig has any sense,’ Vanessa said awkwardly. ‘I spoke to him about us being followed.’

  ‘So he admitted it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And you’re still claiming you knew nothing about it?’ Stop looking into her eyes.

  ‘I know you don’t know me very well, but that’s not how I get the things I want.’

  ‘No? So what’s your way?’

  ‘I think you know that already.’

  Vanessa’s knee touched Heidi’s only this time it stayed pressed against hers. Oh, God help me!

  ‘Beer.’ Sanjay stopped by their table and placed a beer each in front of them. ‘You ready to order?’

  This time Heidi felt compelled to look at Vanessa and when Vanessa stared back at her, the longing in her eyes was plain to see. Heidi was grateful they were in a public place. If they had been in her apartment she would have let Vanessa do whatever she wanted to her, regardless of the consequences.

  ‘Um, I’ll have the chicken korma and mushroom fried rice please,’ Heidi said. She felt conspicuous, as if Sanjay could read the filthy thoughts stampeding through her mind, so she kept her eyes lowered when he took her menu.

  ‘The same please,’ Vanessa said.

  Sanjay grinned and retreated from the table.

  ‘You look hot,’ Vanessa said.

  Heidi could tell her statement was meant to be ambiguous by her sheepish grin.

  ‘Do I?’ Heidi took a mouthful of beer before resting the ice-cold bottle against her burning cheek.

  ‘The same look you had yesterday.’

  A bolt of adrenaline shot through Heidi’s body. She shifted uncomfortably as Vanessa leant over and whispered so only Heidi could hear her. ‘In fact, if I remember clearly, you were so hot we—’

  ‘All right, you’ve made your point,’ Heidi said, melting at the memory.

  Vanessa’s eyebrows furrowed, her expression unsure. ‘Don’t tell me you regret it.’

  ‘Not regret, no.’ Heidi tried to ignore the throbbing sensation down below. She couldn’t help herself, she wanted another one of those electrifying kisses. ‘But ….’

  Vanessa raised her eyebrows. ‘But?’

  ‘I don’t know if this is worth it.’

  ‘This? As in?’

  Heidi exhaled forcibly. ‘Look, I’m not going to deny the effect you have on me—’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’

  ‘But that doesn’t mean it’s right. Your company is going to be responsible for putting my charity out of business.’

  ‘I told you—’

  ‘I don’t want to move somewhere else, Vanessa. Renting anywhere in London is going to be extortionate, we have a good deal where we are—’

  ‘I understand—’

  ‘That’s just it, you don’t. You can’t. Even if it’s indirect, you’re still profiting from our demise, and I don’t feel comfortable with that.’ Heidi shifted along the seat, out of the booth. ‘I can’t see you again, Vanessa. I’ve got to fight for what’s right, and I can’t do that if I have feelings for you.’

  ‘They’re not going to go away, Heidi. Believe me, I’ve tried.’

  ‘Maybe it’s because, despite all of your money, you aren’t as strong as me.’ Emotion broke in her voice. ‘Thanks for the beer.’

  Vanessa’s eyes dimmed, clouded with sadness and disappointment.

  As Heidi turned and walked away, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was making the biggest mistake of her life. Giving up so easily, without even trying to find another way.

  By the time she got back to her apartment, she realised that she had.

  ***

  The next morning, Heidi was back in the conference room, standing in front of the very same colleagues that were ready to have her hung, drawn and quartered before they even heard the truth the day before. Tiredness possessed her. Sleep had been fleeting as her mind was too wired, too caught up with the fear of never seeing Vanessa again. Trying to think of ways she could have worded things without being so final had been pointless. It was too late now. Heidi had taken her stance, and she was just about to do the same again.

  ‘Right, I have one thing to say before I go any further. Until we are forced to close the doors on the centre, I’m still the manager here. Which means I’m in charge. If anyone doubts my loyalty to the centre, I’d like you to leave now.’ She paused as she looked at their solemn faces. ‘We have an uphill battle and I’d rather not have internal fighting going on at the same time.’

  Nobody moved.

  ‘Good. I’m glad that’s settled.’ She clasped her hands in front of her. ‘Now, I have a couple of ideas that might make them rethink about evicting us. If we fail, at least we’ll have bought some time to find new premises and … a new manager.’

  Audible gasps sounded around the room.

  ‘Are you leaving?’ Harry asked.

  ‘Yes, Harry, I am. As soon as this situation has been dealt with I’m handing in my resignation.’

  ‘Is this because of—’

  Hot rebellion swept over her. Why shouldn’t she say exactly what was on her mind? After years of self-sacrifice spent putting her life and energy into the centre, she had earned the right to be honest about her true feelings.

  Wearily she said, ‘Let’s just say the dreadful way you all ganged up on me yesterday swayed my decision, but it’s not the only reason. It’s time to move on. Simone, can I see you in my office?’

  Simone’s face paled. The once easy familiarity they had shared was gone, replaced with a strained politeness. Heidi didn’t know if they would be able to find their way back to how things were.

  Simone stood and trailed behind her without saying a word. Once in Heidi’s office, Simone closed the door behind her and remained by the door while Heidi stood a few feet away.

  ‘Heidi, before you say a word—’

  ‘If you’re going to apologise about your behaviour yesterday, don’t bother.’

  ‘The only thing I’m sorry about is calling you out in front of everyone. Nothing else. You were bang out of order going behind our bac
ks with that woman and you know it. The Heidi I know would never put our charity on the line for someone who wants to destroy us.’

  ‘And the Simone I knew would have come to me first, before humiliating me and undermining my authority.’

  Simone snorted. ‘Authority?’

  ‘Yes, authority. Whether you like it or not, manager is my title not yours. For now, anyway. Yesterday is irrelevant. We need to focus on the future—’

  ‘So she dumped you then?’

  ‘No, she didn’t dump me. There wasn’t anything going on—’

  ‘Jesus, this is me you’re talking to, Heidi. I saw the way you two were looking at each other in those photos and to my eyes, there was a lot going on.’

  ‘In your eyes is exactly right. Look, if you can’t move past this I really think—’

  ‘I love this centre and I’m not going to let anyone close it down. So, if you say you’re gonna do right by this place I believe you.’

  ‘Good, so let’s get started.’ Heidi dropped onto her seat and grabbed a pad and pen. ‘Right, we’re going to campaign against those bastards—hard. We are not going to go down without taking them with us.’

  ‘I like it.’

  Heidi tapped the pen against the edge of her desk. ‘Not through the press. This time we’re going to go directly to the people through social media. As well as any businesses that are associated with Berkley O’Neil. We need to find other victims who have been stiffed by them.’

  Heidi’s tough streak was a trait that had always lain dormant under her compassion, waiting for the right circumstances. That time was now.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Kelli knew Vanessa and Craig thought she was blind to what went on in the family business but they couldn’t have been more wrong. She knew exactly what they were up to—well, Craig anyway. Numbers were Kelli’s thing. She’d always had a knack for understanding complex calculations, the same way in which hackers knew how to bypass security systems. After stumbling across the financial papers in Vanessa’s office, she knew something fishy was going on in the company. Kelli liked to think of herself as a spy working for MI5 and, in this instance, she wanted to find out how deep down the rabbit hole the corruption went. This was why she was crouching behind a car parked across the street from Craig’s house, waiting for him to leave for work. He worked from home a lot and she didn’t doubt he kept private files in his office. Gaining access to his house would be easy; Kelli still had a key, the one she’d forgotten to give back when she’d stayed there a few nights after her mum died.

  Kelli shifted from foot to foot in an attempt to quell the butterflies in her stomach. Maybe this is a mistake. She had to find evidence of his wrongdoings for her plan to succeed. Stop being a baby and just do it.

  It wasn’t long before the large oak door opened and Craig breezed towards his black Bentley parked on his drive. He gave himself a once over in the window’s reflection and, despite his bulk, gracefully slipped into the car. Seconds later, he drove off, his lack of signalling causing the drivers behind him to hoot their horns in anger. Craig ignored them as usual.

  Kelli waited a few minutes, just to be sure he wasn’t coming back. When she was satisfied he’d gone for the day she crossed the road, her eyes scanning the immediate vicinity. If he caught her entering his house, there’d be hell to pay—for Kelli and Vanessa, who Craig would no doubt blame for Kelli’s wayward actions. Despite her trembling hands, it took less than a minute for her to get inside the property.

  Craig didn’t have any kids, so his house was immaculate, not a thing out of place.

  As Kelli crept along the polished wooden floor, she kept her ears open for any unfamiliar sounds. Craig hired prostitutes on a regular basis, so Kelli had to be careful in case one of the women were still in the house.

  Kelli quickly made her way towards his office on the ground floor. The room had an overpowering smell of leather and polish. She walked over to his mahogany desk and looked around in the desk drawer for the key to his cabinet. Finding it, she inserted the key into the filing cabinet positioned at the side of his desk and opened the top drawer. It was full of neat, orderly files. She worked from front to back, pulling out random files and giving them a quick scan. To her dismay, there was no smoking gun to be found. She moved to the drawer below, then finally the bottom one. Nothing. Letting out a long sigh, she replaced the files and pushed the drawer, but something stopped it. On her knees, she reached behind and her fingers made contact with a thick folder. Kelli sank back on her haunches and opened it. It took her only a few seconds to realise what she was holding in her hands. Bingo!

  Kelli couldn’t believe her eyes. They were plans for the Young Minds’ site, only they were different to the ones she’d looked at in Vanessa’s office. Flipping through the papers, she came across a list of financial transactions. One payment stood out: Oust Enterprises. Craig had scribbled ‘Jason Lee’ next to it. Who’s Jason Lee?

  Kelli didn’t have time to contemplate it, so she pushed herself to her feet and crossed over to the photocopier. It took her a few minutes to photocopy everything she needed and to replace the papers in order.

  Kelli didn’t feel guilty for making copies. She wasn’t the one in the wrong, Craig was. A noise from upstairs made her freeze. Footsteps. Shit, there’s someone else in the house. With the stealth of a thief, she quickly replaced all the papers as neatly as she could in the folder, shoved it at the back of the drawer and closed it. The footsteps stopped. Move! Move!

  Putting the key back in the drawer, Kelli grabbed the evidence, stuffed it inside her jacket and dashed for the front door. She was outside within seconds, closing the door quietly behind her. Her thoughts were no longer concerned with who was in the house.

  She had an urgent delivery to make.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Monday would be a day that Heidi, and Berkley O’Neil for that matter, would never forget. She had spent the weekend ironing ‘Save Young Minds’ stickers onto white t-shirts. A large part of her didn’t want to go down the route she had chosen, but Craig had left her no choice. She wasn’t going to be bullied and threatened by a misogynistic jerk. Why couldn’t he have left Vanessa to deal with things? They would have easily come to some sort of agreement that suited both parties. But no, he had to stick his oar in, no doubt because Heidi had turned down his advances and had not faded beneath him like a wilted flower. In truth, she couldn’t wait until it was all over. When they finally knew their fate. Good or bad.

  Relations had returned to normal at the centre. This was due to Heidi holding her hands up and admitting she had handled the situation badly. She acknowledged she shouldn’t have seen Vanessa, especially behind her colleagues’ backs, but that still didn’t change the fact that she was leaving. It was high time someone else took the reins. Someone without so much personal baggage and debt.

  ‘Right, listen up.’ She clapped her hands to draw her colleagues’ attention. ‘Christina, I want you to drum up some support from gay businesses in Soho. Cafés, sex shops, I don’t care. We need people with banners in support of the centre to line the street outside Berkley O’Neil’s offices. If you can’t find enough people, then do the rent-a-crowd thing. Offer some of our centre t-shirts or Harry’s homemade cakes. Do what you have to do. Just make it happen.’

  Christina put her hand to her right temple in salute style. ‘I’m on it,’ she said with a smile.

  Heidi continued to bark out orders as she read down her list on her writing pad. ‘We need someone to hand out the t-shirts for the supporters before we start our march.’

  ‘Consider it done,’ Richie called out.

  ‘Who wants to be in charge of refreshments?’

  Mel raised her hand. ‘Me.’

  ‘Handing out leaflets?’

  ‘I will,’ Harry said lifting a box from the table.

  ‘Good. That’s all we need for now. I’m going to tweet and update Facebook. I’ll meet everyone outside at ten.’

&
nbsp; Heidi headed for her office and slumped onto her chair. Her body was limp from exhaustion. The only thing that was keeping her going was coffee and adrenaline. They had worked hard for this day and she was determined for it to mean something. Simone had photocopied the photos of Heidi and Vanessa eating at the Mexican restaurant. She was going to take the sting out of Craig’s bite by distributing the photos before he got the chance.

  At ten minutes to ten, Heidi stepped outside the centre and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. There were at least one hundred people outside the centre. People do care. Each of them carried a banner with wording in support of the protest.

  ‘Save Our Centre’ and ‘Principles First, Money Second’, ‘Berkley O’Neil are homophobic’ was a third one. One even read ‘Berkley O’Neil make Queer Decision’.

  As Heidi led the crowd along Camden Road, members of the media began to arrive and photographers clicked away.

  One of the radio reporters turned on her voice recorder and spoke to Heidi in between her chants.

  ‘Will this protest reach its objective of stopping the centre from being closed down?’ asked the reporter.

  ‘I’m willing to chain myself to the building if I have to. The centre has been here for many years, serving the gay teenage community of London and cannot be removed just because filthy rich business people want to become even richer.’

  A print journalist chatted to another protester who was walking beside Heidi holding a large vibrator. ‘The rich cannot discriminate against those with different sexual preferences,’ the female protester said. ‘This is 2017 and we live in a democratic country. We won’t be screwed.’

  By the time Heidi and the protesters arrived at the front of the Berkley O’Neil building, the turnout had gained even more protesters along the way. ‘Save Young Minds, save Young Minds!’ shouted a protestor, whose chant was soon joined in by others. Heidi stood on top of a small side wall and called the protestors to order. Ironically, it was Pricilla Jones who pushed her way to the front to get the best position.

  Heidi’s voice shook as she looked into the sea of faces in front of her. ‘London belongs to all people of any race, colour, creed or sexual preference but Berkley O’Neil don’t care. They don’t care who they have to tread on to increase the size of their bank balance. But there comes a time when enough is enough. We are here to make a stand. To show them we will not be bullied or blackmailed.’