Guilty Hearts Page 10

  “You’d be surprised, Rach. Maybe it took until he was staring death in the face to realise all the hurt and pain he caused you. Your uncle did say he had been looking for you for quite a while.”

  “And what about my mum? Not one mention of her in his will.”

  “How do you know what went on between them, Rach? You only heard one side of the story. Perhaps if you would have read the letter, you could have made sense of things — gained some closure.”

  “This is all too depressing for me,” Rachel said, standing up abruptly. “Do you think it’s a bit morbid to go and have a celebratory drink?”

  “No, isn’t that the norm, to hit the pub after someone dies?”

  “Yeah, you’re right, I know just the place and with who.”

  “Oh no, what have I let myself in for?” Zoe groaned, as she followed Rachel to the tube station.

  ***

  Millets Bar in Soho was empty, apart from the three women and the members of staff, who were milling around, laughing and joking amongst themselves. This was the quiet before the storm. In a few hours, the place would be swarming with customers. It was one of the busiest gay bars in London.

  “So what are we celebrating?” Cody asked, as she raised her glass to meet Rachel and Zoe’s.

  “We’re moving home, we went to view it before we came here. It’s an amazing three bedroom house,” Rachel said, leaving out how it had come about. The last thing she wanted to do was speak about her father or even think about him — it hurt too much.

  “Congratulations!” Cody said, raising her voice, a big grin on her face as she toasted both women. “When you moving in?”

  “In a few weeks, we’re just sorting out the paperwork.”

  “I hope I’m going to get an invite to the house warming,” Cody said, glancing over at Zoe.

  “Of course,” Rachel replied, smiling at Cody’s obvious attraction to her flatmate.

  “So you’re a therapist, huh?” Cody asked Zoe, who had sat quietly while the two women had spoken.

  “Yes.”

  “Doesn’t it get you down, listening to depressed people all day?”

  “No, not really. I enjoy helping people and I always have Rachel to go home to after,” she said, looking at her fondly.

  “Zoe is very good at what she does,” Rachel interjected, gently nudging Zoe’s shoulder. She was relieved to see that her idea seemed to be working — on Cody anyway. She just needed to get a few more drinks into Zoe so she could relax.

  “And you work for Kathryn Kassel?” Zoe asked.

  “I sure do,” Cody said. “I take it you know Rachel has a little crush on her? I’ve told her not to even bother, Kathryn is as straight as a dye.”

  “And like I told you, our relationship is purely business. I can’t help finding her attractive, but that’s all there is to it.”

  “Uh huh,” Zoe chimed in. “And Rachel doesn’t lie. When she says something, she means it.”

  “And what about you?” Cody asked. “Have you got your eye on somebody?”

  Zoe turned to Rachel. “Um yeah, yeah I do, but it’s a long story, I wouldn’t want to bore you.”

  “No, Zoe, I’m sure she’d be interested to hear about ...?” Rachel said, raising her eyebrows.

  “Um, Claire, you don’t know her. She works at the centre.”

  “Really? You’ll have to bring her over for dinner one night.”

  “I will,” Zoe said through gritted teeth. “Why don’t we go and get some more drinks?” She stood up, pulling Rachel up by her hands. “We won’t be a minute,” she said to Cody, before edging Rachel towards the bar.

  “That wasn’t very discreet,” Rachel said, glancing around, assuring herself that they were out of Cody’s hearing range.

  “What are you doing?” Zoe hissed.

  “Trying to set you up with a funny, intelligent, hot woman.” Rachel glanced over at Cody dressed in light-washed jeans and a black leather jacket.

  “Ahh, so you’re not denying it?” Zoe asked, wrong-footed by Rachel’s honesty.

  “No, I’m not, I think she likes you and let’s be honest, you could do a lot worse.”

  “But I’m not looking for a partner. I’m not being funny, but only a few days ago she was trying to get in your pants.”

  “No, she wasn’t, it was just a bit of harmless flirting.” She looked over at Cody, who was watching them, and gave a little wave. “Look, Zoe,” she said, turning back to her, “you can’t remain caught in the past. Bloody hell, what is your favourite line to your clients — ‘you’ve got to move on, take the next step’,” she mimicked. “I think it’s time you took your own advice, don’t you?”

  After a few seconds, Zoe threw her hands up in the air. “Oh, what the hell,” she said, taking a sly look at Cody. “I suppose she is nice and she does have a job.”

  “Exactly, anyway, I’m going to leave you love birds and head home and get some work done.”

  “What! You’re leaving me alone with her?” Zoe asked, panic in her voice.

  “Yes, all that can happen is that you’ll have a good time.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  ***

  Hours later, Rachel was sat on her living room floor, mulling over the sheets of paper spread out before her, desperately trying to keep her mind occupied. Since she had arrived home, she’d gathered generic information from the Internet about Gareth, as she had all the information about Kathryn she needed. She noted he was a handsome man and his youthful looks belied the fact that he was fifteen years older than his wife. Is that why her father had refused to attend the wedding because her husband-to-be was so much older? She reflected over what Kathryn had said about her father marrying the neighbour so quickly after her mother’s passing. That was in stark contrast to her own mother, who had never recovered from her dad walking out on her — she had never remarried nor even dated again.

  She studied a photo of Kathryn and Gareth at a gala event—they looked the perfect couple, holding hands and smiles plastered on their faces. She noted the date the picture was taken — eight years ago. She shook her head sadly — she didn’t understand how relationships worked, because she had never had one. Her childhood and most of her adulthood had been spent caring for her mother; first through depression, then when she developed Alzheimer’s five years previously. It was why she maintained the philosophy of living in the moment and doing as she pleased. Life was too short, nobody knew what was around the corner.

  Rachel heard the front door open and close, then the sound of Zoe’s heavy footsteps advancing along the hall, followed by another set. Rachel looked up in amazement when Zoe and Cody appeared.

  “Well, this is a surprise,” Rachel teased.

  “We thought we’d bring the party back here,” Zoe said, her voice slurred.

  “What have you done to the poor girl?” Rachel asked Cody, who was leaning against the door frame with a bottle of wine in her hand.

  “Nothing yet,” Cody said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  “That’s right, nothing yet,” Zoe said, swaying as she went into the kitchen. “Gonna get some glasses then we’re going to my room. It’s your first door on your left,” she said to an eagerly waiting Cody, whose eyes were bright and glossy. “Go and make yourself comfortable.”

  “I don’t need telling twice,” Cody replied, before disappearing behind the door.

  Walking over to the kitchen, Rachel stopped Zoe leaving the room. “This is a bit fast, isn’t it?”

  “This coming from the would-shag-you-in-a-minute woman,” Zoe said, letting out a laugh.

  “Zoe, I’m not kidding, don’t go and do something that you’re gonna regret.”

  “What’s to regret? I like her, she likes me, she wants sex, I want sex,” Zoe rambled.

  “Drunk sex is never a good idea,” Rachel said, shaking her head.

  “So what? My God, is that what I sound like when I’m going on at you?”

  “W
ell, yes.”

  “Then I sincerely apologise, because I am a kill joy, I feel great!” Zoe said, undoing her grey zip-up jacket.

  Let’s hope you feel that way in the morning. Rachel stepped aside.

  “Do you want to join us?” A slow smile built on Zoe’s face.

  “Now that really is disgusting,” Rachel said, laughing. “Go on, go and have fun.”

  “Okay, don’t say I didn’t ask.”

  “I promise I will remind you that you did ask in the morning.”

  “Spoil sport,” Zoe sang heartedly as she went into her bedroom.

  Rachel closed the living room door, hoping that would block out any noises she didn’t want to hear. She sat down on the floor to resume her work. Her eyes were drawn back to the photo of Kathryn. She loved looking at her, more than any woman she had ever met. She outlined the shape of her face with her finger, wishing it was the real thing she was touching. With great force, she snapped herself out of her daydream. The lack of sex is obviously having an adverse effect on me. She gathered all the papers together and began typing. The sooner she got this interview over with, the sooner she could resume her normal life and the happier she would be — or would she, she begrudging asked herself, fully knowing what the answer would be.

  CHAPTER 15

  Kathryn looked up from her paperwork as her office door opened and Rachel poked her head in before entering.

  “Rachel, it’s good to see you,” Kathryn said. Although it had only been three days since their last meeting, it had felt like a lifetime. Kathryn had missed Rachel in a way that felt new for her. She had never missed Gareth, ever. Years ago, when he had travelled extensively with his job, she had hardly noticed he was gone, but a few days without seeing Rachel had been like trying to breathe without oxygen.

  “Busy?” Rachel enquired.

  “Nothing that can’t wait ... so what’s new?” Kathryn asked, leaning back in her chair, a giddy feeling enveloping her.

  “Well,” Rachel said, extracting a folder from her bag, “I have a rough copy of the interview. I thought you might want to look at it before I give it to Gloria, if there are things that you’d rather I left out ….”

  “No, don’t be silly, everything I told you was for you to print.”

  “Okay then, well here you go,” Rachel said, handing her it to her, feeling the tips of her fingers brush hers as the folder passed between them.

  Kathryn bent her head and studied the papers in front of her. “Do you want me to read it now?”

  Rachel shook her head. “Not this minute but if you could approve it by the end of the week, that would be great.”

  “No problem.”

  “Oh, and I’ve got the photos,” she said as she retrieved them from her bag. “Mike said what you’ve accomplished so far looked amazing.”

  Taking the photos from Rachel, Kathryn smiled. “Good, he’s a really nice bloke,” she said, flicking through the pictures, “and a fantastic photographer.”

  “He’ll be pleased he did your work justice.”

  “I might hire him to take my photos if they all turn out this good,” she said, handing the photos to Rachel and sitting back down.

  “Sorry I couldn’t be there on the day, I hadn’t realised that I had an appointment booked for that morning.”

  “No worries you can come at the end of the week.”

  A knock on the door preceded a frazzled-looking Rob, wearing black jeans and a red and blue chequered shirt.

  “I’m sorry to have to do this to you, Kathryn, but I can’t come to the meeting tomorrow,” he said, pacing up and down the office, unable to settle in one spot.

  “Calm down, what’s happened?”

  “It’s Claire, she’s been taken to the hospital. They think they’re going to have to induce the baby. I can’t leave her at a time like this,” he said, clenching his hands into fists.

  Kathryn stood up and put her hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stop. “I wouldn’t expect you to, Rob. You needn’t have come in to tell me, you should have just called.”

  “I wanted to give you this,” he said, pulling a sheet of paper from his pocket and thrusting it towards her. “It’s got all the details and dimensions the piece should have — if you explain it and they follow it to the letter, everything should be alright. So we can most probably finish the place next week.”

  “I really appreciate this, Rob,” Kathryn replied, taking the paper, “now go, before Claire comes by to find you, in labour or not.” She laughed as he gave her a grateful smile. It wouldn’t be the first time Rob’s wife had tracked him down at work, when for some reason or another he should have been at home.

  “I’m out of here,” he said, rushing to the door. “Any problems, call me, I’ll have my phone on day and night.”

  “I will, now go.”

  He laughed. “Okay, okay, have a safe trip.”

  “Give my love to Claire,” Kathryn called as the door closed behind him.

  “Is it his first child?”

  “Yes,” Kathryn said as she sat back down.

  Rachel grinned. “Ah, that will explain his jitters, I thought he was going to hyperventilate.”

  “My friend’s husband was the same. She said his behaviour made her feel worse.”

  “I can imagine.” Rachel’s eyes widened. “Ah, that’s what I forgot to ask you — about kids?”

  “What about them?” Kathryn asked, knowing full well what the question was going to be.

  “Are you planning on having any?”

  “No, not at the moment anyway.”

  “Does your husband want children?”

  “I suppose so. Believe it or not, it’s not something that we’ve really discussed at length.”

  All of their friends had thought it would just be a matter of time before she got pregnant after their wedding. Some even thought they had got married for that very reason. But as each year passed and a baby wasn’t produced, people stopped asking and she was relieved about that.

  “I’d have thought it would have been the icing on the cake for such a successful couple.”

  “Well, looks can be deceiving,” Kathryn said cryptically. “What about you? Any little Rachels planned for the future?”

  “Oh God no, I’d most probably leave it somewhere by accident. I couldn’t imagine being tied down by a child or relationship when it comes to that.”

  Though Kathryn laughed, she wondered to herself what had made Rachel such a commitment-phobe. Had she been in a relationship and been hurt?

  “Do you want a coffee or are you going somewhere?” Kathryn asked, desperate for her to stay.

  “I was going to pop in to see my mum, but I’ve got time for a coffee. It’s not as if she’s going to know I’m there.”

  “I’m sure she does,” Kathryn said, rising from her seat and putting her hand over hers and giving a reassuring squeeze. “I won’t be a minute, I’ll get the coffee and tell Carol to cancel Rob’s ticket.”

  “If you wouldn’t mind some company, I’d like to come with you tomorrow,” Rachel called, just as she reached the door.

  Temporarily flustered, Kathryn eventually managed to respond. “Really?”

  “Yes, it will be good to add it to the rest of the piece I’m doing on you. That’s if you don’t mind.”

  “Erm, of course not. I’ll go and sort the tickets out,” Kathryn said, feeling more alive than she had in years.

  ***

  Kathryn could feel Gareth watching her from behind his steel-rimmed glasses. There had been a spring in her step since she’d arrived home that evening and she knew Gareth must be wondering why, but she didn’t care. Rachel was becoming like an addictive drug and today she had finally had her fix.

  “How are things at work?” he enquired from the dining table where he sat, drink in hand.

  “Fine,” she replied, dropping the spaghetti into a boiling pan of water.

  “And your interview?”

  “I’ve got the first
draft for my approval.” She brought a spoonful of the tomato sauce to her mouth, tasted it then added a little more salt.

  “And ...”

  “I haven’t read it yet.” She poured herself a generous amount of red wine and took a sip before replacing it on the worktop.

  “I see. I was thinking, would you like to go away for the weekend?”

  She froze. “I can’t. I’ve got too much on at the moment. What with going to Denmark tomorrow, I’ll be behind with some of my other projects when I get back.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I could take a couple of days off and we could do some sightseeing.”

  “That sounds wonderful, but I forgot to mention Rob is going as well and we really need to be back on Wednesday.”

  “Oh okay, don’t worry then.”

  She knew he would back down as soon as she mentioned Rob. For some reason Gareth didn’t like him, despite the fact that he was obviously very much in love with his wife. She couldn’t understand why a man who had everything would feel so threatened.

  Turning around, spoon in hand, she said, “And I forgot to tell you —”

  “My, you are getting forgetful, aren’t you?” he replied, taking a long sip of his drink.

  She placed the spoon on the kitchen worktop and stepped through into the dining room. Pulling out a grey upholstered chair from underneath the six-foot oak table, which dominated the room, she sat down before she continued, “I’m sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

  He put his hand on hers. “It’s okay, so what else did you forget to tell me?”

  She gently broached the idea, knowing that if she wanted to get Gareth to do something he had to be reeled in slowly. “We’ve been invited to a party being held by the magazine.”

  “Why’s that then?”

  “Oh, it might go bust if they can’t bring in more advertisers.”

  “What’s that got to do with you?”

  “Well, nothing really, but I said I’d go to show my support and invite a few people I know in the business. You know yourself it’s all about who you know that impresses advertisers. I just thought we could give them a helping hand.”

  He smirked. “So first you’re the House Doctor, today you’re Mother Theresa, whatever will you be next?”